Years had gone by so quickly. We’re getting older, aren’t we? It was like yesterday. We were having fun. Things seemed to be funky and crazy. Then we parted ways. We lived our lives the way we wanted to be. The result? We had grown apart. We matured. We became more responsible. At times, I wondered how could it be when time let us become more than just friends.
We watched each other getting farther and farther away, until we could not see each other in anyway. Maybe circumstances were against us. Or maybe that we had taken for granted what we already had. Or maybe it was just me who’s thinking this way. I just got happy seeing you chased your dreams. I was your distant supporter. And I prayed for you. It might not look like I cherished you, but I did. Most of the time, I did.
One thing I regret the most is that I never had the courage to tell you how much I loved you. Maybe part of it was that I became coward in admitting what I felt inside. I knew I was like a sister to you. So, I never got the chance to face my fear and admit what I felt. It was too sad that time had let it gone. This hurts me the most. There were so many words that I wanted to say.
I wanted to tell you how comfortable I was whenever I am with you.
I wanted you to know how much I appreciate your kind gestures.
I wanted to let you feel how much I care.
I wanted to ask you if you could love me more than just a friend.
But those words I wanted to say became only my thoughts.
I could not turn back time. All I could to is to face where I am now. To let go of whatever we had completely. I am not sure if I could still love someone the way I had loved you, but I will try. Because all these years, I have never loved a man.
One hard lesson for me is that the next time I will be having someone dear to my heart, I will not be afraid to show him how much I care. I will not hesitate to show how I truly feel. I am not sure when will that be, though.
For now, I could say that you are the love I never had. And it’s just making me sad and happy. It’s making me sad because I never got the chance to say my “I do” and “I love you” with you. At the same time, happy because you taught me what love really means without having to love me back.
