Depression is real and it has an impact on someone’s way of living.
We cannot deny the fact that depression is one of the serious matters this era’s facing. Some might think it’s just a mind over matter thing, but sadly no; it has a deep connotation of a puzzled person trying to swim out — in a messy pool of thoughts.
I was once held captive by this seemingly unending crippling inner battle. To the point where I need to do my best to hold on every single day. It’s hard, hard enough for me to say that “I’m ready for the worst, so bring it on”. Also, the thought of carrying the load of the world somewhat became a reality to me.
I grew up being pressured by the thought that I need to compete and perform to become “someone” in life in order to be accepted. As a result, I intend to live behind the shadow of my achievements and in its applause, but making all these stuff just to prove that I’m worthy is exhausting.
I never had the chance to get the support of my treasured ones. I didn’t let myself get involved in any deep conversations with them for there are none after all. I wish I had the chance to experience receiving calls or text messages from them asking of my whereabouts.
Do they care? am I really existing?
Those questions were lingering to me as if subtly communicating that “you are not of some value”. It’s resonating hardly but crying is not an option because hiding under the blanket of my emotions became a talent for me; and I’m really good at it. However, it doesn’t take away the pain or make it hurt any less — In fact, it’s just a mere cover up and it tears me down.
I tried conquering the fear of not moving and falling, but end up being caught in a snare. I am totally lost under the grey sky of my own ravaged world, where peace wasn’t even existing and resistance was evident. There’s so much tension going on — doomed with a scarred and restless heart.
Until such time when God had to intervene. He sent someone to talk to me in an informal setting, ironically sitting under a waiting shed in the middle of a busy metro.
While having our conversation I felt like another set of words will wither as soon as we part ways, however, it goes the other way around. I vividly remember what he told me that time. He said “I will wait like how you’re patiently waiting to the promises of the Lord”. I don’t know but I felt like finally the walls were crashing down and the shackles were starting to lose its grip, peace suddenly enters the picture and there’s a warm embrace. I didn’t feel the PRESSURE for the longest time.
It’s quite simple but the impact was real because I know that I have encountered the love and comfort of God in an unusual way. Then the process of healing started when I surrendered everything to Him. Day after day I’m forgiving myself and the people who inflicted pain to me. It’s hard but it’s worth it.
So, if you happen to know someone going through this phase. Please stay, listen and endure with them. Let them know that they’re not fighting alone.
In addition, I implore to you my friend to please be very careful with the words you’ll utter because you only understand a little or none of what is in the innermost part of them. So, you can’t just carelessly throw words at them for it can either make them or break them — worst is, it might also cut them into pieces.
If it happened to be you my friend, know that my heart yearns for you — so as cheering also to a better you. It’s hard that you’re desperately asking for a way out on a daily basis. But, I want you to know that Someone already pave the way and it’s available for you too. With all the seemingly unbearable things that is happening to you, know that the sun hasn’t died yet so there’s still hope.
You may be thinking of detaching yourself ’cause there’s no use for staying, know that God has designed you for a great purpose. You are not an accident. You belong, so please stay.
You may be asking for significance, know that you are of great value in the eyes of God for you are His masterpiece. You are uniquely beautiful.
You may have lost your way and sense of direction, know that God is a perfect turnaround specialist. Start anew, hold His hand and walk with Him. You are definitely guided.
You may have been pierced with so many kinds of label, know that God has instill a royal identity in you. You are chosen, you are not a failure.
You may be bitter with so many things and you can’t explain it, know that God is near to the broken hearted. You are unconditionally loved.
You may be deeply scarred by wrong decisions made by both you and the people around, know that God can redeem you. You are forgiven.
You may be tired of the routinary life, know that God is your strength and His grace is sufficient for you to make a difference. You can unwind but please don’t stop.
If God can mend the broken parts of me, so as to you my friend. I know it will take time, yet I will wait as He is also waiting for you. Know that those crippling little thoughts aren’t really bound to last, it won’t take forever my friend. It has no power over you. So, I’m looking forward to hear your own victorious story — the story of both you and God.
Finally, know that you are loved, treasured, and valued by the One who make all things possible so KEEP GOING;
