Disclaimer: The views and opinions expressed in this article are those of the authors and do not necessarily reflect the official position of Boiling Waters PH.
I’ve been itching to write this story ever since I realized how special and crazy it was. So let me tell you the story of my first love…
Year 1999 Freshman, UP Diliman, Physics 71.1 laboratory class
While you are busy reading this article, try mo rin makinig sa episode namin:
I was seated at the back part of the class and if I remember correctly, there were two students per lab table. And then the prof grouped us into two and I was partnered with a guy. Let us name this guy SL, quite tall, lanky, geeky but cute. He was my first ever lab partner in UP, a fellow engineering student. One day, he slipped a note inside my Physics workbook. “Would you like to have a lunch with me?” He was cute and I was single so why not, right? We ate at one of the cafeteria in the campus called “Lutong Kapitbahay”. We started dating after that. Ate lunch together, reviewed for our exams together, roamed around the campus together. We were inseparable. April 1, 2000- we were officially a couple.
After 1 year of being a couple, we started going to his boarding house and whenever his board mates are not around, we make out. It was both our first time to experience something like that. We were each other’s first in so many aspects. So we were definitely hooked and addicted. I had organizations then but I preferred to spend time with him. He was my whole world and I was his.
We both came from not-so-rich families from the province, so to augment my allowance, I was working then as part-time tutor and he was living through a scholarship. We didn’t have money so we just ate at the karinderia near his boarding house. We cannot afford to eat at any fast food or restaurant. But we loved to watch movies at SM North so we saved money for movie tickets. We were so in love, happy and content.
My whole world revolved around him, but we ensured our studies were not affected. We both value our education so much. But because he was my world, I started to get clingy and jealous whenever his attention was somewhere else. I started to get jealous of his girl classmates. I always nag him whenever I get jealous. And he started to hit me just to shut me up. This went on for years I think. But you see, I loved him so much so I never left him. He was still my whole world. And the hitting– I’m to blame because if it’s not for the nagging, he wouldn’t hit me. All of our fights are just because of my unwarranted jealousy. I was immature. We were immature.
He was able to graduate in less than 5 years and landed 3rd place in the board exam. He was that good. I was so proud of him. He started to work while I was still finishing college. I failed one major subject so I stayed one more year in the university. I would always wait for him in the library and pester him to come home early. I was selfish. I can’t understand then that he’s already working and with responsibilities. I wanted to spend time with him and being apart for more than 8 hours a day is something I learned to adjust to, albeit hard.
One Saturday, I visited him in his boarding house and I saw a text in his cellphone “Kumain ka na ba?”. I started to lose my temper and nagged him. Who the hell would ask him that? I knew someone is flirting with him or he’s flirting with someone. He hit me again this time. But the pain of knowing he might have someone else shattered me to pieces.
The next Monday, he asked to meet me in Philcoa. And because I loved him so much, I accepted him again and just swept it, whatever happened on Saturday, under the rug. We became happy and content again with each other.
I graduated from college. We started living together near UP and we were so happy and in love. We rented a small studio apartment with just a bunk bed, sink and toilet. We didn’t have furniture. We were just starting so we didn’t have much money then. But just like how we started in college, we were each other’s worlds and that was enough. During the time we were living together, there was no nagging, hence no fighting and hitting.
I was working in a commissary of a fast food chain as Planner. I met a guy who’s working in the logistics department. He showed me attention. I forgot to tell you, SL was never an expressive guy. He seldom says what’s on his mind or how much he loves me. He shows it through actions though subtle. We never talked about the future. So when someone gave me so much attention and care, I was swayed. I left SL for this guy. I didn’t give much thought to it. I just left. SL didn’t cry, didn’t fight for me.
After less than a year, I realized it’s still SL I love with all my heart. I love all of him. I asked SL for another chance. He was already with another girl. And he said he’s not ready to get back together. I was heartbroken. He didn’t explain why. I was to proud to continue begging or waiting for him. So I moved on.. or so I thought. SL went to Dubai to work.
SL sent an email early part of 2011, wanting to meet. But I told him there’s no more reason to see each other. I was already with another guy (my husband now). I married my husband March 2011. Never heard from SL again.
I saw in his facebook that he married the girl. It still hurts me whenever I think of the past and what could have been.
I know that SL and his family are now residing in Australia. And when I saw the bush fire in Australia in January, I can’t help but get worry.. so I added him in FB just to check on him. We reconnected and it was a good thing because I think I can finally move on. Forgive him and forgive myself.
It’s only when we reconnected that he explained that there was never any other women when we were together. The girl who texted him had a crush on him but he never shown any interest towards her.
It’s only when we reconnected that he told me he was saving for a wedding.. and the money is still there in his bank account here in PH.
It’s only when we reconnected that I’ve learned his reason why he refused me back then when I asked him to give me a chance. He said he was not ready yet, he was in the process of reinventing himself because he doesn’t want to physically hurt me anymore. He never explained that before, I just assumed he doesn’t love me anymore. He emailed me in 2011 after realizing it’s still me he wanted to spend his life with and now ready to be with me again. But it was too late. And that will always be his only regret— realizing it too late.
It’s only when we reconnected that I’ve learned how he suffered when I left him. He told me that he almost had a mental breakdown. He cannot understand how I was able to leave him after all that we’ve been through. I was his life and I bailed out on him. He was good as dead but his family pulled him out of the darkness. I cannot imagine what he went through and it’s hard to forgive myself after knowing how much I’ve hurt him.
But little by little, I am moving on…forgiving him, forgiving myself.
Even with several years apart, we are still connected in ways only the heart understands. We still love each other. That love and connection will always be there and will never be severed even by time. But we are in a more complex situation now. We both have families now that we dearly love and will always come first.
He told me I am the love of his life and if the time comes that he’s already old and dying, he will ask his kids to get me so he can be with me for one last time. See, the love we have for each other is still so strong but for now, we cannot be selfish anymore. We will just let destiny run its course. Only fate can tell if there will be a chance for us in this lifetime.
This is the story of my first love. He is my soulmate and will always be my one great love.