To John, honestly I don’t know where to start. After all we’ve been through, you leaving with no explanation was the least that I expected for you to do. I just got out of a breakup 2 months before you came into my life. I promised myself and I told God that I would never fall in love again. I was scared. So scared of getting hurt again. But you. There was something about you. You fell first but I fell harder. Something inside me just kept saying that you were special and you were the one. I took the risk and it was worth it. It was worth loving you. You made me the happiest and you made me better. You were my ray of sunshine. But I was too dark and broken. Maybe I succumbed you with my darkness. Maybe it was better that you left me. Hindi ka na mahahawa sa kadiliman na meron ako. But why? Just when I started to get actually better, that’s when you left me. Why did everything suddenly become one sided? Ako ngayon ang naghahabol because you left with no explanation. I was f-ed up but when I’m with you I’m more than okay. I was good to you. And you were good to me too. My intentions were pure and I did nothing but love you and support you despite of your past. John, I just wanted an explanation. Iintindihin ko naman yan kahit ano pa. Remember this song? You told me this was your song for me. Ayaw mo akong mawala pero ikaw yung nawala sa akin. I never would’ve thought that the person who taught me how to love again would teach me not to love anymore. Honestly, I don’t know na if I can ever fall for someone else, someone new. You knew all my trauma about my last relationship and you promised to wait for me and heal me. You did it but after you healed me, you shattered me. Now I’m back to zero. But I still love you. I will always love you. I don’t think I can ever hate you. You came into my life in the most perfect timing. You fixed a broken soul but you broke it again. I’m still picking up myself slowly each and every day but to be honest, I keep relapsing. No matter what I do, no matter how I distract myself, there never goes a day that I don’t think about you. After all, I just want to say that I love you so much and you will always have a special place in my heart. I will never forget you and everything that we have been through. I was far from perfect but remember that I had no intentions of hurting you. All I did was to love you purely, innocently, and genuinely. You were my comfort person. You were my everything. I hope someday I get the closure that I deserve. I love you John. So much.
-H
