You,
I still remember the first day when you walked in to our classroom back on our 1st day of college. With the light behind you, and time went on a slow motion, I never thought I’ll experience like those in the movies. I knew right away, you’ll be someone that God sent me. I remember how our friendship went deeper, how you’ll lean on me for help to save you from girls you don’t wanna be involved with. I remember you telling me things you want to experience, and so I supported you and do those things with you. I remember when we first went to our favorite church, the word per word of my prayers asking God for me to have you, were still encrypted in my memory. I remember the first time you hold my hand when guys were staring at me to save me from awkward situations. I remember us telling each other how butterflies swirled in our stomach when we first kiss. I remember the first iloveyou. How we imagined forever on the first night we spent together. I remember the first time we gave up and make up. I remember every detail of us. I remember how we’re so inlove. I remember how we’re so beautiful.
….and how a beautiful love can turn into a tragedy.
I remember how painful it was when we had to endure our long distance relationship.
I remember her. The day you told me about her. How you longed for me so you were tempted when she gave you what I cannot provide. The love within your reach. The love within your touch. The love offline. The love where you can go anytime of the day. In the same land and with the same timezone.
I remember you told me that you still choose me. The moment that we want to try again. That the love we have were still in us. That no matter what, we’ll stick by each other.
I remember questioning things, our trust, our faith, our love. Until you asked me to let go of being your girlfriend. and let her be yours. To save you from answering questions from people who were around us before. To save your humiliation, I had to let her.
I remember you begging me not to go. Just to stay by your side. Be your number two. The girl who would fulfill the emotional side that she cannot. I remember how you were so proud to tell the world how you love me, and how it changed to whispers when no one is around. I remember how you would hide me and let me watch how you were so happy with her. I remember how you protect her, and let me have all the pain because you said, “your stronger than her, smarter than her, you would understand better than her”. That you love me, so you asked me to endure and wait. That maybe, waiting for you may give me a good price at the end of all these.
You, You knew i could never leave. You knew your my weakness and my strength. That you always have a home in me.
Time came when I remember I lost me along the years of hiding in your love. I was lost in the illusions of of promises. That what we had can still be rebuilt if I will not give up on you. I forgot that YOU, You’re the one who gave up on us. I forgot all the pain that YOU caused me. I forgot that YOU were the reason why Im questioning my worth, my love, my well being when I knew I did everything for us.
I gave you first, second, third, and the nth time of chances. And even the tiniest part of me, without hesitation, I gave it to you. Leaving me with nothing but hope that maybe, maybe we could try again. and again. and again.
Until I can no longer feel anything for you. for me.
As long as I wanted to still hold on. I have nothing more left. But the memories of our love kept in the corner part of my heart. Where no one could touch, No one could throw, To the greediest part of my brain, where your smile, your eyes, your love were kept and secured.
As I walk away from you again, and started picking myself along the way, let me just pause sometime to have a glance of You.
And I’ll went back on track to try and remember me, without you.
This time, I’ll be my number one. I’ll prove myself that Im worthy. That Im not to be hidden. Im not to be shamed. I am woman that can love and will be loved. A woman who deserves the world. A woman that God created for someone whose more deserving of her love, patience, and prayers.
