To the one who wants to stay

186

One day, there will be a time when I will be cold to you.

What I’m about to tell you I am already saying ahead of time because that is my natural response to everyone.

I will always keep on pushing people away so that I can see which ones will want to stay.

I’ve been hurt a lot of times before, I’m sorry if I am ever hurting you right now. I’ve been in relationships for too many times where I thought would last a lifetime but as it turns out, we had the wrong foundation. I’ve been in relationships too deep I thought we’ve connected so well that it’ll not break but it did. I’ve been in relationships too magical and amazing but turns out there are amazing things that only last for a moment. I’m starting to have attachment issues to everyone but believe me, I’m trying to be as warm like I was before.

If you want to stay, you have to know that you have to prove it to me with every opportunity you have. You have to realize that you can’t just barge into my life just because you want to because I’m not letting anyone into my heart like before. Earning my trust now is a lot harder.

Before you break my heart, you have to know that breaking me again only makes me stronger, it might not even have an effect on me because my heart has already turned into solid rock. Trying to break me will only scratch my surface, making me more untrusting.

If you really want to stay, I need you to be patient with me, be gentle with me. Hold me tighter when I’m trying to slip away so that I’ll know you’re there for me. Ignoring you will be my natural response, but you have to keep on letting me know that you’re there. I’ll probably expect you to leave earlier than to stay longer and doing it might amaze me.

If you want to stay, be a good friend to me because it’s so easy to cut ties with someone forever. Listen to me when I needed to be heard. Talk to me. Try to understand how broken I was and how I am trying to be fine in the most hidden way.

If you want to stay, let me know. I need constant reassurance because every time you do that I pick up one of my broken pieces, it softens me and warms my heart.

If you want to stay, that is, if you really do…stay. Because I really need someone I can cry to even if it seems like I act like I don’t need anyone. I know deep in my heart that I’m just lonely and just trying to be tough, I know that I could still break into smaller pieces that are harder to pick up but that’s just a way to protect myself from more pain.

If you want to stay, help me heal my wounds. I need you to be there to remind me not to cut them open when I’m already fine…because this is something I will do repeatedly from time to time.

I know you’re not perfect, so don’t give me too many expectations of what you want me to believe. I’ve already believed in a lot of those and I’ll probably just doubt yours. Just make sure that your concern for me is real before you try to do anything else because I’m already tired of letting people go.

That is.. if you want to stay.