As I sit by the table pondering, I just realized something. If a man really wants to pursue your heart, he would go to the ends of the world just to get to you. I mean, I was asked by someone what he could do to earn my forgiveness, I literally just told him to hand me a love letter and that would be enough but yeah, all I get is a picture… prolly from google or pinterest or sumthin–with a few cute words that never really came from his heart. Don’t get me wrong though! I appreciate those little gestures… if only he was consistent about it. But is that all I ever deserved? Was I not worth riding his bike to my front door and secretly slipping in that vintage styled love letter I so badly wanna receive even for once? I know he managed to ride all the way to different places farther than mine. I mean it’s obvious, right? He clearly doesn’t want to put an effort into pursuing this little demanding girl who only longed for love that she ever dreamed of.
I may be delirious, thinking that my idea of romance may have been affected by what I see in the stories I’ve read and that I so crave in reality. That my standards were raised by some fictional ideas that never really matched how the real world goes. I dunno. Maybe I was wrong to think that way? That I shouldn’t expect for someone to love me and treat me the way I wanted. But yeah, I think over time I’ll finally accept this sad truth and that I may never get to experience that kind of love, where you feel all those butterflies as he consistently sweeps you off your feet with his unpredictable ways of showing you how he sees you and treasures you and how he badly wanted to always put a smile on your face without the need to tell him how to properly love you because he already knew. I think I really am with a boy right now, not a man, who prefers to enjoy his youthful days, but still wants me beside him. Someone who never really put an effort into knowing my love language. I mean, I wasn’t asking for any expensive material things. All I wanted is for him to put a little effort into writing those words on a paper and seal it with the fragrance of love. LSMs are a thing but as an old soul, I prefer the thought and the effort into manually writing words instead of just tapping on letters with two fingers. I guess I’ll just endure a little longer, accept a little more, love a little harder, until it runs out and I can finally have the courage to stand up and walk away from the table when love, respect, and consistency are no longer served, and that I’d get to meet someone who would chivalrously pull out a chair for me… a table for two that would make me want to stay.
