We all know that we are going to die, yet we keep on doing our best to prolong it. And I think it’s because our death is not the most important point of our lives. It’s how we lived. It’s the teeny tiny process that makes something wonderful, not the outcome. The time consuming strokes is what made a painting’s results worth it. If things are too easy, then its value would be too.
You see, we always strive for a better future— so much… that we forgot how to live in the present and enjoy the moment. And that’s what I’ve been struggling about. It’s so hard to treasure the current things, so hard to appreciate the small details, so hard to stop myself from scratching my fears that I’m afraid it would bleed in time. They say, that fear is like a rabid dog waiting for you in the darkness. It is always there to chase and attack you. There will be times that you can run away from it, but you can never fully escape it…Unless you decide who’s in control. But there’s nothing else more scary than to find out that you’re not even sure who you are or why you are here. Are you just existing as a mere side character for a bigger story? Are you breathing to save the world? Are you really meant to be here? What if you’re not originally a part of the plan? what if you’re just a glitch in the universe? It just shows that the depth of our understanding with living is complicated, because we always want bigger things! Bigger purposes! Without knowing, that to exist is enough. To be here, and witness the world is enough. We put too much pressure in ourselves and tend to overlook things when we can just live. Just live. That’s it. That’s enough. You don’t always have to be good or to be the best, just doing things are already enough. It is not about WHAT you did, it’s about HOW you did it. Was it full of love? Of passion? Of hatred? Who cares if you helped someone just because you want to gain attention? What did you do? You helped. Great. How did you do it? You did it without sincerity. And that’s not very great. And that’s what matters because that will haunt you in your sleep as you try so hard to shrug the conscience off again and again until it slowly consume you.
It is better to be the one who suffers than the other fellow who inflicts pain. For with great despair you will learn a lesson or two but with destroying others you gain nothing but guilt and pride.
