It’s been a few months to almost a year now, I still miss you. I really do. But I guess, in the end we are just bound to fall apart. If I never gave it a shot to let you in, I would have never known. I would have spent so many nights wondering a lot of “what ifs”, what could have been if only I was brave enough to let you in. And I did, I did it with my arms wide open and my eyes shut so tightly. I did it even if I’m scared, I did it even if I already knew it would hurt. That didn’t stop me to gave you a chance, because I was so hopeful that you could have been the one. You could have been the perfect love that I was praying God for.
It was beautiful while it lasted, and I never got the chance to say all the things that I wanted to say to you. We ended so quietly, not with a crash and not with a burn. It’s kind of sad, that even if how brave I was and how much I tried to make it work. It still took you walking out my life, for me to question everything about my worth and doubt myself a lot. That maybe, I was just asking you for too much and I am just difficult to love. That maybe while I am looking for someone to give me consistency, you’re just really down for a short adventure. That maybe while I keep on choosing you, I am just an option. That maybe while people would always say we fit perfectly together, what we really felt for each other did not.
It really took a while, for me to understood that we didn’t work in the ways that mattered. And somehow, it feels right that we didn’t. Because for just months with you that felt like a handful of moments, I finally realized I did everything I could. I know deep within my heart that I went above and beyond just for you—and still wasn’t enough. No matter how hard I pray to God that it could have been you, maybe not all prayers are answered. Maybe because you weren’t really the one for me, because I deserve more and God destined me to be with someone who will match my efforts. For the first time, I didn’t think I am asking for too much. I am just asking the wrong one. From this point, it’s all about me. My hapiness, my goals, my health well-being. I am finally choosing myself over you, who just made me an option.
——Mae G.
