Disclaimer: The views and opinions expressed in this article are those of the authors and do not necessarily reflect the official position of Boiling Waters PH.
-way back 2007-
I was just in my tender age, say 16 or so, when I met you in a computer shop near my apartment. You were playing online games together with the boys. I guessed you were my age by the way you look. You exchanged trash talks with the boys and you sounded like you would kill any time, while I was engrossed with or focused on doing my research. I was so pissed off I couldn’t help glancing at you because you and your boys ruined my focus and I could hardly concentrate. Perhaps because I was looking at you with disgust, you eventually warned the boys to minimize their voices then you turned to me and smiled. It was one of the best moments I remembered of you. From that day on, whenever we saw each other, we exchanged nods and Hello’s. It came to a point when we almost did things together like eat, watch movies, study, and party. There was this need to see you and I thought you felt the same way too.
There were times when you called me to see you outside the gate, you handed me those thick books to cover and I felt like I was in cloud nine; my face turned reddish. Only a few years after that I wondered, was that just a friendly act of asking help from a friend? Oops, I had jumped into thinking that was just your alibi to see me because you missed me.
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It was December, the boys gathered for a Christmas Party and you personally invited me to join. I was flattered and I couldn’t sleep with the thought that you invited me and not any other girls in your friends’ list. Well, I could say I am your closest female friend in town.
There were times we held hands and hugged, but nothing more happened. I wondered if you felt something between us all those times. I always thought maybe you needed more time to realize what I have already realized.
It was my birthday, you fetched me from school to watch the first 3D movie and it made me so happy I wanted to hug you tight. It was one of my happiest birthdays.
Countless times you said you missed me and you wanted me near, but that was all. Why leave me hanging my dear? You told me I was special to you. I didn’t realize that being special is different from being loved. Too late did I see, I was too blinded by my emotions and I can hardly contain.
We were stuck for like a year or two. We moved separate ways. Nothing happened. No labels, just that. We were stuck to being just friends and I wished I had the courage to ask why. Was I not good enough? Why did you not court me? Why did you treat me like that? I was confused. I wanted to run away from you but I always found myself coming back to you.
After a while, I’ve lost track of you. I met you once after a year has passed. Your presence got me into you again. What’s your secret?
The last time I saw you, you were in the shop, the same place where I first met you. Destiny or mere coincidence? I passed by that place for a reason I couldn’t remember. You told me to go with you to your hometown. I got my high spirit back. I smiled. When I jokingly asked about your girlfriend, if she was going with you? Heck, that was just a question to trap you, an indirect way of asking if you’re still single. But that trap made me want to wail and just wail some more. What’s your drift? Aren’t you sensitive enough?
I believed you’re man enough to know what I felt for you since. But you didn’t even try. I guessed I wasn’t good enough to be that girl in your dreams.
It took me a lot of failed relationships to let go of you, and to fix myself too. I’ve moved on only when I stopped longing for you. It happened without me knowing. It was about time I supposed. Time understood and it healed me.
Now, I have a lot of love to give. I have successfully renewed myself. I have a new love, a new romance. I have a man who will not let me wait but a man who has always been waiting for me. I realized that to be happy in a relationship, you have to undergo a love like ours: a love that’s unrequited, a love that hurt, a love that was just good in the beginning. I did not give up loving until I found a love that is worth living.
I have you to thank, for once hurting me. Thanks for not loving me the way I wanted to be loved; otherwise I would not be happier now with the man I am with. I met him because of you. Because yours was a failure, so I looked for him. I hope that you are happy wherever you are now. I hope that stars in your sky shine brightly too.
