February 22. I saw you and naisip ko ang amazing mo naman.
You seemed carefree. Hindi atat ma-in love di tulad ng iba diyan.
I like that about you. There is no rush. Only laughter. No pressure. Just fun.
Kaya ginusto kong mas makilala ka. Malaman yung mga bagay that makes you laugh. Things that entertain you.
I wonder what makes you angry and sad.
Sino-sino ang mga barkada mo? Regrets mo that you wish you could undo.
Do you love your family? Paboritong kulay? Ampalaya din ba ang favorite mong gulay?
March 1. We got to talk. You took a step closer to me, na-conscious tuloy ako sa amoy ko. We laughed and you shook my hand bago ako umalis.
Kaya, I wanted all the more to work with you, see how you treat people and solve problems.
I longed to talk to you more, observe how you would treat me and compare it with how you treat others.
Super excited ako. More than I have ever been in months. I will finally get to work with someone I am curious about.
Wi-nish ko nga na hindi kami natuloy sa retreat namin kasi I would rather spend time learning more about you.
And when we came back I was counting the hours until we work together as volunteers, you serving others, ako naman, observing you.
March 13. Hours. Less than 24 hours before I could see you again. I could not wait. Yes, na-miss kita. In the two weeks I haven’t seen you, I admit na-miss na kita.
And then just like that. Nag- announce sila sa GC natin that our weekly event is cancelled until further notice because “Your safety is our concern.”
Ha? Eh paano na tayo? (Wala pa nga pala). Paano na ako? Yung script na handa ko nang i-deliver habang tinutulungan mo akong magbuhat ng kung anu-ano?
Ni hindi nga living thing yun eh, nucleic acid lang at protein, baka may fat..kumalat..and now my questions about you can no longer be answered.
What makes you tick? What do you like in a girl? Why aren’t you in a rush even if you’re already 30 plus? What do you love about God?
They say it is for our protection. Yours and mine. That Someone up there knows our days and cares for us.
He does not withhold anything good from those whom He love. Hindi ba ako mabuti sa’yo? Masama ka ba para sa akin?
Kahit man lang ang mas makilala ka, harmful na at kailangan talagang may community quarantine ang buong lungsod natin?
Maybe we cannot know each other for now. Or forever. I am very disappointed.
Sino ang sisisihin ko? Ipu-push ko ba talaga ang kilalanin ka by making papansin sa’yo sa FB?
And so, while others are being heroic sa COVID pandemic na’to, nag-iisip kung paano makakatulong sa iba or masusustentuhan pa rin ang kanilang pamilya, here I am, wondering, dismayado, kasi tila malalagpasan na naman kita.
Madadaanan na naman natin, madadaanan lang, ang isa’t isa.
Parang, I am missing another opportunity for a friendship with someone whom I think is a good man.
A closed door. Again. No use forcing a closed door open.
I think I will go thru unglittered days again. My heart would slow down to its steady beat, my hours- humdrum.
Maybe I will learn to be curious again after the pain of this disappointment has faded.
I’m happy I have met you. Malungkot ako na parang hanggang mababaw lang natin makikilala ang isa’t isa.
But I know all will be well for both of us because our lives are in the loving hands of the One who made us.
I guess, gagayahin nalang kita. I will take my time to be in love. I will be carefree.
I still think you are amazing. I wish I could see you again, in person, today. One month after I first met you. March 22.