How are you? I’ve been wanting to ask you this, but since we’ve parted ways, I no longer have the guts to.
I’ve missed you ever since. There are days when I miss you less and days when I miss you a lot more.
Sometimes, I want to see you just as you would react. Would feelings come back? Or you’ve completely forgotten me. Every once in a while, I’m tempted to drop a message in your inbox just to ask, “How are you?” I also want to respond to some of your posts just to say, “I’m happy for you.” But, no matter how much I miss you, I try to restrain myself. I believe you despise seeing my name appear on your screen. And I’m pretty sure you don’t care anymore.
I write whenever I miss you or want to ask how you’re doing. I can’t tell you these things directly anymore. I guess through writing, you can read it somewhere. You may not know it’s me, but at least you were able to read the lines I’m supposed to tell you.
For sure, my friends would call me crazy because I still have feelings for you after all the hurt. I know I’m supposed to stop feeling this way and just let it go. But if they were in my shoes, they’d understand why I can’t simply let this feeling go. If I had the ability to heal myself instantly, I would have done so the moment you abandoned me.
I wish I didn’t love as much. I hate myself for always ending up begging for love. I am not supposed to, but that mark has left me; no matter how much I gave, I’d still be abandoned.
I don’t regret meeting you. I never even despised you because, since that day, I have prayed to understand you and this excruciating circumstance. I’m just hurt by what you did. I’m not going to beg for your love anymore because I know what I’m worth. But missing you is a feeling I can’t shake.
Allow me to miss you until I no longer do.
I’d write and write until I could process my feelings and completely forget about you.
To those who are on the same page as me, it’s not easy, but we’ll heal. Someone would come along to love and accept us as we are. But for now, let us process it and continuously pray for it. It’s okay if the progress is slow; at least we’re trying. Have faith that this broken heart serves a beautiful purpose.
Photo by Daniel Mirlea on Unsplash
