I’m honestly finding it hard to admit what I truly feel for you. I guess it’s not something that I am used to, because I know deep inside that you’re different from everyone else.
Different in a way that you’re not a man after this world, but after God’s heart. You treat everyone else the kind of love and care, that Jesus’ gives.
You’re not the ideal guy, that would make girls swoon. And far beyond the guys I usually like, but there’s something in you that draws me closer.
As to where I remember telling God, what’s with you and that you are very much the opposite of me and my ideal guy.
But God reminded me, that yes, you might be someone I wouldn’t like but you’re the kind of man God would want for me.
I don’t know much about you personally, but I see how you would rather be a man behind the scenes, passionately making technical things work without any validation or compromise, just humbly serving God with your talents.
You’re passionate towards leading the youth and people closer to God.
You’re a man who is simple and contented with what you have in life, for you are secured in His presence alone. Even by how casual and laid back you are as a person, you’ve chosen His unconditional love over the world. Nothing is more attractive than to seeing a man who is deeply in love with Jesus.
You’re gentle and kind with everyone in actions and words. I guess you know a lot of things, where I can say you’re smart in a way that I can’t uniquely comprehend.
You’re quiet and a man of few words, words that are full of wisdom affirming encouragement and love to others.
I know you’re just like any other guy out there, but you are one of a kind. A rarity in this chaotic timeline.
You’re unique for you are a man of character, a man who is stable already and hard working. A man who is serious and committed to what is God’s will and purpose for his life. A man who is sure with his intentions and motive. To which reminds me that I must guard my heart and protect you for you are a brother in Christ.
And I apologize when there are times you would catch me staring at you from a distance, on the other hand you would unconciously do the same.
Seeing you watching me from across the room, then I would pretend not to meet your gaze. Often times, we find ourselves in awkward paces. I know that you’re trying to figure me out and observing me from a far, but I don’t want to assume unless you say them.
I don’t want to awaken love yet, not until God approves. Not until it is my season along with the right reason and purpose.
I don’t want to give you hints or intentions that might lead you into something else. As you might see me as a distraction, instead of pursuing God’s heart.
That is why, I’ve always been cautious to how I am towards you, praying and seeking God, if this I feel for you is right before His eyes. Asking Him to protect my heart and thoughts. May I not be self seeking in the pursuit of man but His alone.
I don’t know what I feel for you is called, but I know its growing deeply that I can’t help but cry out to God that He take it away, if it does not please and honor Him in such a way. I am praying to God that He will simply make things work for what He believes is the best for me.
I pray that God will protect your heart too, and may you continually grow deeply in love with Him, the giver and source of love. In your ministry, career and family.
And as of the moment, I’m keeping you still in the deepest cellars of my heart, choosing not to awaken love until He says so. Trusting God with all that I am, for He is the author of love. Seeking to wait on God, even if it means surrendering you, if it is truly you, the one that God desires for me or not, because the only one that truly completes us, is God alone.
