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And from that certain moment, after long years of living on your own universe, set of walls and boundaries, for once… you feel afraid.
You feel that you’re afraid when your eyes started to stare his. You cannot understand it for the first time. You are trying to compose what was it about but you cannot tell exactly what you are feeling. Those eyes that you are looking felt like yours, as if it is reflecting your own. And astonishing it may seem, for once you are looking in the eyes of someone who can possible melt the ice on the soul you have been freezing for too long. It is as if every single thing you’re seeing tells you to stay. And that frightens you.
You feel that you’re afraid as he keeps on telling stories about how his day was, how it went out. But what sounded melody was when he said your name, asking how you are doing. Unknowingly, you caught yourself laughing and it is plain genuine. You stopped for a second and suddenly think of asking yourself “why”. Why does it feel like you want to hear this voice a little bit longer, you want to remember how it sounds in your head. Then, in a snap of your finger, it felt like you lost your senses for once. And that frightens you.
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You feel that you are afraid while he was handing over the choco cookies he bought you. To you, it was different. It seems like for once and for so long, you are letting someone do things that you are normally and regularly doing for yourself for several years. It is as if you are letting someone into your life and it is as if you are allowing someone to enter the world that you are keeping so close. And that frightens you.
You feel that you are afraid with the way your hands are touching his. For so long, you have felt a warmth that is so comforting. You cannot express it properly but it seems like a dosage of healing or some sort of connection where it feels like a certain electrical shock awakens your senselessness. These feelings felt so new as if it never existed before in your entire emotional being not until now. And that frightens you.
Yes, this is really frightening and your best self is trying to ignore this at all means. But you want to define this thing… because scare is the only thing you know you are feeling. Scared for you know yourself too well. You know that your walls has the possibility to crash down soon, that the cage you built will soon be thrown away. You are really frightened with the idea of sharing your life once more. And you thought, just like the moon you must go to through phases of emptiness to feel full again.
It’s a risk. It can fall apart. But what if this time, it all comes back together?