Disclaimer: The views and opinions expressed in this article are those of the authors and do not necessarily reflect the official position of Boiling Waters PH.
March 29, 2019
Dear you,
Today, I’m really missing you. I wanna talk to you like how we’ve talked before, without inhibitions or any doubts. Doubts that you would hear me out, or that you would respond hastily. I want to talk to you and pour everything out. Be vulnerable. Lay everything down in hopes that you would look me in the eye and tell me that everything will be fine.
I never thought that this day would come, that I will miss you so bad that I would write again. I did not even think that I would feel this way. It never came to my mind, because I really thought that you were home. I thought you were a constant. I thought you were different.
While you are busy reading this article, try mo rin makinig sa episode namin:
It is with deep sighs that I’m writing this down. But I know you never wanted this as well. You didn’t want this to happen, but it did.
I sent you a message a little over four days after your birthday. I was asking if you were okay. I didn’t know back then that your birthday has already passed. I checked up on you because I saw something that you posted online and I felt that I needed to check on you. You were a bit emotional about something and posted it online. So I asked.
You replied. And then our conversations became longer, deeper, more meaningful. From small talks, our conversations formed into a connection, at least to me it seemed that way.
Months passed. We meet up. We eat out. I accompany you to your work. I even wait up until you get home safely. We talk. Almost every day. We got really close. You know part of my past. You know me. You know my triggers. You know how I feel about certain things. You were there whenever I needed help. You were present when I needed someone to talk to. You were a friend. Someone who understood me. Someone who I don’t want to lose, ever.
You opened up yourself to me. Your hurts and everything you went through. I knew you were strong, but I was still surprised about the things that you had to endure. And for that, I respected you. My admiration for you grew more.
You were very strong and fearless. Though at times, your age and immaturity shows. You became vulnerable as well.
As time passed, little by little, I grew in love with you and at one point, I fell hard. I talked to you, looked you in the eye and told you everything; how I feel about you, how my day isn’t complete without talking to you, how much I am willing to risk everything; how much I love you.
But for you, we were just friends. It hurts, I know. I can recover from that. We were true friends before I felt something different, so I’ll be fine.
What really hurts me now, is that you are changing from a friend, to a stranger. I don’t know if I can be honest to you now. I don’t even know if I’m still welcome, sharing my thoughts and how my day was. I’m even terrified of sending you a message to check up on you. I miss you a lot. But I really don’t know what to do now.
You may say that we are still friends. But I don’t feel that way. You may try to comfort me by your words, but it won’t be enough. Be here, please.
You’ve even regretted and said what a waste of friendship, even though we were still together. (Pinanghinayangan mo na yung pagkakaibigan natin kahit magkasama/magkaibigan pa tayo.)
That says a lot. You’re already trying to move on.
I’m still here.
We’re still friends.
Come back.
Please.
Love (,) Me
