Depression

I was battling my depression. Once in a while I found myself crying in the middle of my sleep. Am I crazy? Or I’m just stressed out? I can’t find myself in the right way. My path is now crooked and I was lost now. I’m crying but no one cares in this society full of hypocrite. Yes, they see me smiling but can’t they see the meaning behind those sweet smiles? Can’t they see it in my eyes? I wanna cry. I wanna shout and scream and curse just to ease what I feel but how? I wanna let my tears fall down my face but I can’t seem to let them fall. Oh, yes. I remember. This is not like me. Shits happen when everything came to chaos. I just wanna be alone all the time but whenever I wad, I feel lonely and empty. I choose to talk to people bu they can’t see me inside. I wanna let them see me. I’m tired in all of this. I wanna end this. I was thinking, how does it feel crossing to the other world where I can be with her? Oh god. I wanna be strong but I think my power is not enought to fight the demons. I kept on going because of the little courage that I have but now I’m tired. I wanna rest, but my mind wouldn’t let me. I wanna sleep but lot of things keeps popping in my head. I wanna nap and just close my eyes but I can’t breath everytime I do it. I wanna tell everyone what I’ve been through but I’m afraid they would say “you’re just imagining things”. I’m afraid that they will just ignore me. I’m afraid they will just don’t let me speak and ignore me. I’m afraid that if I’ll do it I’ll get rejected and maybe worsen my thoughts. Please, I wanna heal. I wanna be free and worry free. I wanna be normal. Some people who knows me would say “you’re just emotionally and mentally stressed” but I think am not. Or maybe I am. But I wanna know the reason ‘coz I wanna be fix but I just can’t find why. Thinking about it the whole time makes me crazy. I wanna break what’s inside my head. I wanna stop thinking and just relax but I can’t. Can somebody help me out this hell?