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I cannot pursue you
And I might never do.
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I may be starting to like you a lot, in more ways than I had expected.
I like all your good things, your beauty, your positive outlook on everything, your kindness, your positive energy that draws everyone closer.
But, the thing I like most about you is your faith. How you confidently speak it.
I am so happy you allowed me to know you, for allowing our friendship to bloom and go deeper. You have been so comfortable with me. You told the things I am afraid to tell and accept to myself. You uplift me in times of sorrow. You can turn a bad, cloudy day into one with a golden sunshine.
You also rant about little tidbits of your life and you know how much I love to listen to all your stories. Your heartaches, your opinion, your grudges, your disappointments. I am so flattered by your trust, a trust that I cannot give even to myself.
You let me in your life and you successfully entered mine.
And as I knew you more, I saw things that are sight for sore eyes. I was able to unravel the things you kept hidden. Things that are hidden in the deepest cellars of your heart. I saw your weakest side, your flaws, your imperfections, your doubts, your fears, your disappointments, your bad attitude, your stubborness, .
But these did not discourage me. It did not turn me off, not even a bit. These are the things that further deepened my feelings. All your positives and negatives, your good and bad, your big and little things.
But, I cannot give you false hope.
I may be thinking of confessing and pursuing you. I have been praying and hoping that you feel the same. I have been imagining to be part of your family. Waking up each morning and being welcomed by the most beautiful scene I’ve ever seen.
But then, we are still work in progress. There are many things set up for us to prioritize. I think, we must focus first on these things- the people that we need to give more time, our struggles, our commitments and most importantly our personal growing relationship with Him. And if He deemed wise for us to help each other in our pursuit of Him, then and only then, can I say that I will pursue you.
Words: Ty Licudan
Photo: Mark Estrada Benalla