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Hi J!
It’s been days since the last time we talked. What happened? Why are you so quiet lately? I am contemplating a lot. More so, overthinking. Please allow me to say these things that are running in my head. This is a long one. Please bear with me. I just can’t let this day pass not to send this to you.
We met at the crossroads of this life’s long journey. We both didn’t know where each of us came from but you trusted and received me, as I received and trusted you too. I found a real friend in you, and a Kuya at some point. All those after-work kulitan, video calls, voice messages, and Sunday chismisan meant a lot to me. Truth is, you made me happy. Actually, I was attracted to your potential. You have all the non-negotiable qualities that I look for my future husband. Best of all, our mental connection is unique. I rarely encounter a person whom I can discuss deep thoughts with. I also felt your eagerness, enthusiasm, and your real sympathy maybe because I bared my soul to you, my very real and transparent self. No pretentions at all.
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But I have a biggest sin to my self – – I let my emotions run my being. I told you that I get attached easily to someone who is generous with his time and effort. Silly me, because I gave different meaning on your sweet gestures and kind attention given to me. I let myself get attached to you. Don’t worry, I’m not mad at you. I’m disappointed to myself. Haven’t learned yet from my past mistakes. It’s really difficult to teach oneself how not to be marupok.
But I’m grateful. You made me happy for quite a time. Happier, perhaps. I cannot deny that fact. And it’s elating to know that a man, who has the almost-perfect qualities you are looking for your future husband, can possibly like me. The man who equally views me like his ideal wife. The sad part is, even if we totally like each other. We cannot be together. It’s sad to know that you cannot fully commit yourself to love me and have a loving relationship with me because your past still haunts you. You still have issues to settle.
I don’t know if we will still be given the chance to see each other. I don’t know if we can still recognize each one of us, by that time comes. But if I’ll ever recognize you, I’ll give you my sweetest smile.
We still have many roads to take and cross. I will always treasure and remember that somewhere, sometime in my life I met you at the crossroads of this life’s long journey. Please remember that even if we are living our lives in different directions, I’m still here caring for you and keeping you in my prayers. T’was nice knowing you, J. Thanks a lot. Good luck with everything.
❤️,
K
