Disclaimer: The views and opinions expressed in this article are those of the authors and do not necessarily reflect the official position of Boiling Waters PH.
It’s my first time to write again about you ever since I, obviously, stopped.
‘Cuz I stopped. I stopped everything that has you in it – I stopped viewing your profile. I stopped writing my feelings about you. And surely and slowly, I am beginning to stop thinking about you. It isn’t an easy road. There are days where my mind just completely thinks of you. I wanted to stop. But I couldn’t.
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I stopped. I stopped everything that has you in it. I also stopped talking about you with my loved ones. I stopped wearing your given shirts. I don’t even bother reading your old letters whenever I miss you.
‘Cuz it hurts. Everything that has you in it hurts.
At some point, I’m also scared of stopping even when I know that most of it would help me move on. I’m scared of stopping because I only might be masking this feelings.
What if in the end I just find myself still bleeding? What if in the end it would still hurt? What if in the end it only prolonged the pain?
There are so many what ifs. Too much anxiety.
However, one thing I didn’t stop, praying.
I didn’t stop praying about you. I didn’t stop praying for His will about us. I didn’t stop praying for Him to take care of you. I didn’t stop praying for your healing too – for you to be able to focus on building yourself as you’ve said. I didn’t stop praying for God to grant you clarity, to grant you strength, and most especially to grant you peace of mind.
I prayed to Him to reveal to me crystal clear things regarding us.
And one day, He did!
He showed me how loved I am by Him. He showed me how worthy I am. He showed me how I should just really focus on Him instead. He showed me how I am in need of His grace everyday, how I need to surrender to His ways and His will everyday. He showed me how I needed to be more dependent of Him.
God broke me. He indeed showed me crystal clear.
The moment I knew, I know I found my end line with you.
I didn’t stop praying for God to heal me from this bad pain. Everyday, I’d ask him for His grace. For I know that right now is the best time for His power to work best.
Everyday, I’d mention you to God whether be it good or bad. I still have many questions but now only choosing to ask them to my Father. I didn’t want to stress myself or give myself again wholly to you – in a negative sense.
So, I stopped praying – not for you, but about you, about us. And started surrendering. I also started praying for right directions. Maybe this is an answered prayer from my previous prayer. For me to pray the right prayer.
So, then, I found my end line with you and found my revival line with Him.