Disclaimer: The views and opinions expressed in this article are those of the authors and do not necessarily reflect the official position of Boiling Waters PH.

I don’t know. I just feel like writing this down. This is something that men right now needs and to be honest this is a constant struggle for men.

There’s a lot of beautiful women out there and as much as you want to want more than one, that will never happen. I mean, it could happen but you know, wanting more than one only results to brokenness and pain. Doing it and making a lot of crappy excuses won’t work. No good reason or logical conclusion can rationalize your answer. Don’t even call yourself a man if you are into a lot of women.

Okay. Let’s clear things up. I’m sure you have a lot of question in mind. You might say: “Well, I’m trying to know who fits my personality well that is why I date two or three women at the same time.” or “God allowed polygamy in the Old Testament, so, why restrict yourself now?” Haha! Keep telling yourself that. Those are actually invalid reasons that will not stand against scrutiny because there is and there will always be that one woman who is elevated above those that you’re attracted to and you know it! You just want more than what you are currently experiencing so don’t try to rationalize it. Dating two women or more will result in them thinking that they are the only one when you are also the same with a few other women. Imagine the pain that they’d feel knowing that you’re like that to a lot of women. Surely some will question their worth for sure. —You don’t want that in your conscience.

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If you are already into one woman, don’t look for more. Women are different from each other just like how men are different from each other and we are not perfect human beings, there will always be something that this person doesn’t have that the other person has and if you will constantly want more than the person who chose you despite your imperfections, you are only thinking about yourself because even you yourself are not perfect but she chose to stay with you no matter what.

“A real man, first of all, have that sense of contentment with one woman. He might be tempted to flirt or be close with someone but he’ll never do it. He’d think about doing it but He will resist it no matter what.”

So, what should we do when we are facing this dilemma?

I think the very first thing that we need to do is pray.

Ask God, your Creator about what you should do, not who should you choose. God won’t choose for you. Do what needs to be done. Even if it’s messy. Even if you need to humble yourself down. Admitting your mistake than dodging all the arguments against your action is just prideful and men, real men, should always aspire for humility.

Second is to make your intentions clear.

If you want to be friends with her, then be friends. If you want to court her or know her more, then say it. Don’t be afraid of the responsibilities that come along with the choice, just make sure that you are not basing your decision in your feelings. Don’t even try to say anything if the decision is not yet rocking solid in your heart. If your whole being is not into the decision yet, then ask to be friends. Being friends is the best way to know a person without the best foot forward approach.

Constantly remind yourself that what you’re doing honors God and the opposite sex.

God is the one who created morals and it includes treating women right. Jesus showed care to widows, even to prostitutes and cheaters. He showed compassion and respect regardless of what they are and treating women right no matter what they are will honor God, too. Show respect not just to the woman you’re dating but everyone around you because sometimes a woman will only know her worth, especially those who are broken, once they are treated correctly by God-fearing and real gentlemen of this generation.

My advice here is not really deep or theological in nature, these are practical ways to avoid unnecessary hurt. We all need to become better men who have control over ourselves because the majority of men out there doesn’t have that. We need to stand in the gap and let the world believe that, yes, men who think about what God says and how the opposite sex should be treated still exists. The world needs to know that real men still exist and it starts by working on yourself and by setting an example.

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Patrick is an INFJ, an introvert with a quest to equip boys of his generation into becoming the real gentlemen that this society and mediocre dating culture needs. He writes articles, songs and poetry. He have this mini library in his room full of books about morality, gentlemanhood and spirituality. He is a musician, a Christian apologist by discovery, an athlete and a military enthusiast.