If you can’t commit, don’t make me feel wanted

Afraid of being attached, I distanced myself from people who wanted to be near me. I guess I am now afraid of losing you, because maybe one day, you might not be around. I used to be so brave and bold whenever someone approaches me. I could easily talk to you without holding back. I always show my true self even if I am sometimes misunderstood. I don’t even care on how you might see me, but sometimes I wonder if giving you a chance means I am also giving myself another chance to make my heart beat again. Enjoying someone’s company is not equivalent to being in love at all. I am not sure if I am just your past time or entertainer when you are bored, but I wish you would make things simple and be genuine about what you truly feel. Because you might not know, but I am a girl who’s tired of determining what’s fake and what’s real.

I am tired of having and losing someone. I am tired of being attached but ends up to being detached. I am tired of being in-love with the “firsts” but usually never lasts. I am tired of being someone’s option, because I know that it leads to misdirection. I am tired of guessing because it usually becomes depressing. In the end, it might be hard for me to cope up again and understand why you have to change. I might blame myself again for trusting and believing you. I might fall for you, even if I really don’t want to.

So if you can’t commit, don’t make me feel wanted. No matter how strong I may seem, your sweet gestures and attention may blow me off. I know myself well and I am certain that I may not be able to handle it appropriately. I can’t afford to bear another heartache. I can’t force myself to go away if ever I would sincerely choose to love you in the end. So if you have no plans to pursue me, it won’t make sense if you would want to be so close to me.