Disclaimer: The views and opinions expressed in this article are those of the authors and do not necessarily reflect the official position of Boiling Waters PH.
It is painful to know someone close to you chooses to cut ties with you. You were used to hanging out, updating, and going through life together, but it all came to an end. After all of the memories you’ve made together, countless whys are probably racing through your mind because of what happened.
I’ve noticed that I’m a people-pleaser, an empath, and a friend who is always available. Even if I’m busy, if a friend needs me, I’ll make time to help them. I’m not sure why I’m this way, but I do it willingly for every close friend of mine. I can say that I only trust a few people. Perhaps this is why I became dependent on those people. I never asked anything back. Everything that I do or give to a friend comes from my genuine heart.
I’m always willing to lend a helping hand or listen when someone needs it, but it’s ironic that I never ask for anything when I’m the one in need. I’m not sure why, but doing so makes me feel like a burden. As a result, I rarely turn to them when I am in need. The only way they’d know I’m struggling is if I’ve already moved on from my issue. When it comes to friendship, I try not to be the problem.
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I am aware that I have toxic characteristics that I am working to improve. When I’m struggling, one of my toxic traits is that I don’t talk to anyone. I usually deactivate my social media accounts so that no one can contact me. I’m afraid they won’t understand me, or that someone will ask for assistance and I won’t be able to provide it. In my defense, I’m deactivating my social media accounts so that I don’t feel guilty.
I’m always trying to understand everything without becoming a burden. So what hurts me the most is that they still chose to end our friendship. They stopped communicating with me as if we had never met. They walk away without saying a word.
So, here I am again, trying to understand the situation. I’m trying to figure out why they made that decision. I know they have the right to do so. This just made me hate myself for being abandoned and useless all of a sudden. I feel afraid as I do not know who to reach out to and trust anymore.
It’s true that people have the right to cut ties with someone if they are no longer helpful to them. If you do not want to give someone an explanation of why you did that, it’s okay too for your peace of mind. Besides, you have the power to choose who you keep in your life. However, if you have the courage to tell the person what went wrong, please do so. Someone out there may be looking for answers but is afraid to ask because you have distanced yourself from them. It is also a way to help the person if there are areas in his/her life that need to be changed. Regardless of whether you give an explanation or not, the decision must be respected.
In this situation, I realize I shouldn’t rely on others. To become a people-pleaser is like sabotaging your self-worth. I sacrificed my time to be available for them in order to maintain our friendship. I gave up my strength to help them when they were in need. I didn’t ask for anything in return, but doing those things left me feeling empty. I enjoyed doing it, but I now realize how exhausting it was. I can make someone happy and comfortable, but I am not able to look after myself. I forgot that I needed to be heard, seen and understood too. I chose to give this to people in order to keep them, but they chose to abandon me. So right now, I’m trying to pick up the pieces I’ve dropped as a result of trying to please everyone. I’m gradually learning to expect less from others. I’m getting a better understanding of the concept of people coming and going. And I guess I became too dependent on those people that I thought would be with me through thick and thin, but I was wrong. I shouldn’t give everyone too much of myself. I can’t keep someone who isn’t willing to be a part of my life and understand what I’m going through.
Trying to understand this situation every day without getting an answer is indeed hard. But no matter what it is, I respect the decision. Since I cannot do anything, I cling to God even more. Every day, I choose to give Him my pain. I know there’s a purpose in everything and I should trust in Him alone. Maybe He is preparing me for something good without those people. And the only one who should be pleased is God, not the people around me. Every day, I ask Him to give me the strength to get up and keep going. I pray for knowledge and wisdom so I can understand even if I don’t get any answers to my situation. I draw myself near to Him and hold on to hope to see the brighter side of this painful situation.
I guess this is just a season to outgrow someone to help myself grow and learn more. Depend on God and not on people. Let things be, and start to be the best version of myself. And of course, appreciate those who stay.
Soon, I know that the Lord will show me where I belong. He will give me a group of friends where I can feel loved, supported, and understood. I can be myself around amazing people, regardless of how I feel. I believe the Lord will give me someone who will never abandon me, no matter what. Leaving will not be an option because someone will help me grow and mature.
I know it hurts. But all of this will pass. I am claiming that with the Lord’s help, I can be myself again. And all I need is Him.