I have watched you from the sidelines since I first met you. Sorry… I know, it sounds creepy but I did it anyway. I watched you laughed and enjoyed the company of different kinds of people. I saw how you cared and how grateful you were when given even the simplest of efforts. I saw what you permit others, like me, to see… and that was all enough for me.
I don’t think about you everyday, not even this fuzzy feelings that I have. Because just like you, I have a lot of things on my plate, stuff like deadlines and OTs, to drinking beer and paying bills. But once in a while, I do think of you and the little things I remember about you… and those were good enough for me.
Every memory I have of you (and with you) never failed to make me smile. They always bear the same cunning trick of warming my heart… the same trick of painting roses on my cheeks. They were all I had of you, and that was fine… until one night, they are not anymore.
The flashbacks of you tapping your phone;
Of you, fixing your hair;
Of you, giggling;
Of you, waiting in line;
Of you, holding the umbrella;
Of you, walking towards me.
They were all I had before but now, I think I can handle them no more.
I don’t understand how they crack me up into tears.
I don’t understand why they scream at me, telling me I am not allowed to hold onto them anymore.
I don’t understand why I feel this way. Honestly, I don’t.
For years, they were more than enough. For years, I was more than fine. But maybe, times and people have changed, and I was not fast enough to move along with their pace. I was not as fast as you are.
So as I chase after me, I wish to leave them good memories here. I wish to leave them as pretty and warming as I had them with me before. Because maybe, if I leave these prohibited baggages right here and now, I might be able to step and move forward.
I will remain at the sidelines. I will always be a friend when you need one.. because maybe that, alone, should be more than enough.
