It’s Okay Not To Be Okay

You fell in love and that’s okay. You have exerted the needed effort to make it work. You fought selflessly. You fought shamelessly. You really thought that it’s okay to still hold on. When things didn’t work, you tried harder. You understood, accepted and loved him without any doubt. You fought for what you have and for the love you deserve. But the sad thing is, you fought alone. You thought that it was always worth fighting for. But, was it? Was it really worth all the tears and all the pain? You have invested the time and patience to the one you love. You were very sure that he was the one; the one that you thought you would spend the rest of your life with. But still, it didn’t work. You looked in the mirror and said, “Was I too much or was I never enough?” You couldn’t think of an answer because what you only felt was pain and self pity. You fought this far. Actually, you fought too far that you didn’t think of your own happiness.

You believed that if you gave all your love, you will be loved too. You were wrong. You were never wrong about believing in the magic of love but you were wrong about the person you gave it to. All this time, you fooled yourself that it’s okay. It’s okay to cry every every night because getting hurt is part of being inlove. It’s okay that he cheated on you because you believed that he would change. It’s okay that he didn’t introduce you to his parents and his friends. Maybe he wasn’t not ready yet, you told yourself. It’s okay that you sacrificed your own happiness to make him happy. It’s okay that he forgot your birthday or your anniversary. It’s okay that he didn’t hold your hand in front of other people. It’s okay that you loved him more than he loved you. One apology was enough for you to forgive him over and over again. It’s not okay and it will never be okay to be treated like that. One night, you realized that everything was not okay.

You lifted yourself up and knew that it’s okay not to be okay. You learned that you would start from being ‘not okay’ to ‘I would be better.’ One day you will depend your happiness not on other people but on your own. On that same day, you will forgive yourself for being so blind in love and for forgetting that you’re wonderful and beautiful. It is not today or tomorrow but you know and you are sure that you will get there. It’s okay to feel the pain and the sorrow right now. One day, they will all be gone. You will be stronger enough not to hold on but to let go. You will be fiercer not to keep fighting but to surrender. You will be wiser not to be fooled but to be loved. You will be bolder not find the right guy but to find yourself; to find the girl that once gone because of wrong love.
You will never stop believing in the power of love but this time, you will give it first, to one who truly deserves it-YOURSELF.