Let’s stop: not because I want to but we have to

 

“The worst feeling is when you don’t wanna give up on someone but you know you have to.”

 

I think we need to stop, not because I want to, but we have to.

 

I promised myself not to settle for anything less than what I deserve;

to not settle for temporary happiness and relationships;

to pray to be the right person to someone;

to love myself more…

 

…and then you came.

 

We knew it from the very start that this isn’t going anywhere.

We’ve been honest from the beginning with what we want and where we should stand.

 

…and then it went along.

 

It felt relaxing. It felt new.

It felt something that is so hard to get rid off.

It made me ‘lived the moment’.

 

 

I think we need to stop, not because I want to, but we have to.

 

You’ve been part of my everyday.

A routine that is hard to break.

The presence I’ve been longing for the whole day.

The story I’ll listen endlessly.

The laughter I always wanted to hear.

The last person I’ll speak to before my body shuts down.

The breath I feel when I wake up in the middle of the night.

The cuddle that makes my sleep peaceful and calm.

The body besides me when the alarm goes on.

Gaaaaahd, I never wanted this,

but it happened.

It sucks.

It sucks because everything feels right.

 

 

I think we need stop, not because I want to, but we have to.

 

Sooner or later, you’ll be engaged and enter the world of arranged marriage.

How I wish I could just take your pain and sadness and make it all go away.

How I wish we are in a virtual world where I can just hold your hand and help you escape reality.

How I wish I can grant all the plans you really wanted,

And not the ones you were planned to abide.

Because no matter how much sadness I see in your eyes, all I can do is to pray for your happiness.

The happiness that your heart desires; the happiness that you deserve.

 

 

I think we need to stop, not because I want to but you have to.

 

I consider myself as an alpha female that becomes coward because of you.

I do things that I wanted to do and letting you go is something that breaks my heart.

So please, you have to stop.

So I won’t have any reason to hold on.

Because the more you show me your flaws, the more I wanted to keep you.

The more I see your imperfections, the more I appreciate you for who you are.

The more you share your past, the more I want to understand you.

The more you open your soul to me, the more I want to embrace it.

Because to matter how much I convince myself to standstill and ignore you,

it only takes 1 message and I always find myself going back to you again and again and again.

 

 

 

I think we need to stop, not because  I want to, but I have to.

 

I have to stop this emotionally-damaging insanity.

I have to cut this think line of chance, this percentage of hope

that there might be something for us waiting at the end of the pipeline.

I have to move on from this non-relationship relationship that kills me almost everyday.

I have to save my ego before it’s completely broken,

accepting the fact that I am and will never be enough.

I have to break this ties that keeps me in getting back to you.

I have to save myself before I am completely drown in this indefinite disposition.

 

 

I think we need to stop, not because I want to but we have to.

 

Because I promised myself that I want my next to be the last.

Because I know that this is just a temporary shelter for my feelings, but why does it feels like home?

I crave for you everyday.

I long for your presence.

I miss you every single day.

 

But I need to love myself more.

 

That’s why we need to stop, not because I wanted to but I have to.