Six years ago, I wrote this piece, “An Open Letter to the Man I Will Marry.” Six years later, I got married to the man whom I prayed for.
When I wrote that piece, I never really understood the depth of marriage. I just knew that if God would allow me to get married, why not? During those six years, many thoughts had crossed my mind. There were so many things that had happened each day that passed by. I have seen families fall apart, husband and wife who just grew apart, chaotic and dysfunctional families always came in sight, bitter wife, angry husband – all these I encountered. Because of this, I developed a fear of commitment and marriage. I thought, “That could also happen to me.” So, I said, “Lord, it’s fine, if I would remain single forever.” Days passed by so I quickly got busy with ministry and work. Until the appointed time that God sent the one whom my soul loved. I won’t go into details; it happened so fast. Within a year of courtship and dating, we got married.
We all have beautifully crafted love stories. It is uniquely the best. As we navigate marriage as a young married couple, we realize that marriage is hard, but wonderful if we choose God to be the center. You see, I am afraid of commitment and marriage not because of these ideas per se. But I am worried that I might marry the wrong person. My mother always tells me to choose wisely, because it will determine the course of my remaining life. My family is against divorce, so it will be a lifetime. We believe in “till death do us part.”
Marriage is hard. Two sinners put together is chaos. Two personalities in a team are not easy. At this point of adjustment, it’s learning to accept and love the person you choose to be with for the rest of your life. Many say, “marry the person you love.” But I believe that it is better to keep in mind to love the person you marry. It’s unconditional. The only thing that binds you together and your common ground is Christ. Without this thought, marriage will crumble. It’s easy to fall out of love when we see that our expectations fail. When we see that the person we used to know is different as we live with him 24/7. It is easy to leave when things are not the exact way, we plan the marriage to be. Yet, we remember that we are confident that this person is God sent and we committed to live our lives with together to honor Him.
Hey, remember this. Marriage is like a puzzle. Sometimes, it’s trial and error. It’s living by faith that God will help you work your marriage out. It’s living by and with grace because we need to be gracious at all times towards our husbands. We, need grace at all times, too. Forgiveness is such a sweet word that we learn daily as we need to extend it to the man we commit to love. We fight and we make up. There is no ‘’bed of roses” relationship. It is not easy if we do not have this mindset of glorifying God through our marriage. It is trusting God that along the way, we can run to Him to heal us, so we can be restored and fight the battle again. We can sit at His feet, so we can tell Him our wounds, and so we can be healed, and we can face another day again with him (our husband) in the marriage.
No one is perfect. Our husband is not and so are we. But hey, remember this: marriage is hard but wonderful. God intends it to be pleasurable if we follow His design. Marriage is not a situation of convenience but of work. Yet, it is beautiful in the Lord.
