Disclaimer: The views and opinions expressed in this article are those of the authors and do not necessarily reflect the official position of Boiling Waters PH.

Don’t get me wrong when I asked the question, “May pag-ibig ba sa tinder?”

I used to believe na walang pag-ibig sa tinder. Why? Well let me share you my experience and story about this dating app and a little story of my past relationship. I was in a relationship with this guy (now my ex) pero nagtitinder na ako noon.

During my high school days, I was not allowed to have a boyfriend kse strict ang parents ko and gusto nila unahin ko muna yung studies ko and yes nung highschool ako aaminin ko, naiinggit ako sa mga classmates ko noon pag valentines, kse sila may flowers ako wala haha. So eto naman si ate gurl nagbawi nung college and actually gusto ko naman tlga yung guy eh, jowang jowa ako non eh sbi ko sa sarili ko gusto ko magkajowa bago ako mag graduate ng college, dahil never ko pa naexperience magkaroon ng boyfriend. All my life I’ve been prioritizing my studies which is not bad kse para sa future ko naman yun. So ayun in short I met this guy in college. Inaasar siya sa akin noon nung mga classmate ko, and then eto ako hindi napipikon, usually kse pag may inaasar na guy saken, naasar/napipikon ako.

I was an NBSB that time nung na meet ko ex ko. He was my first boyfriend. So forward tyo naging kami and yes pinakilala ko siya sa parents ko likewise, pinakilala din niya ako sa parents niya dahil ganon ksi ang gusto ko pag papasok ako ng relationship gusto ko legal. I felt like I was the one who liked him more during the late stages of our relationship and yun din ang sabi nila. Pero during our beginning phase or nung bago pa lang kami, nafeel ko naman na mutual ang feelings namin, but the case is habang tumatagal parang totoo nga yung sinsabi nila na, mas mahal ko siya, and my gut feeling tells me also. Still our relationship lasted for 3 yrs, medyo nagtagal din kami kahit papaano.

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Dumating sa point na yung relationship namin, ako yung habol ng habol sa kanya for the sake na maisalba yung relationship namin, yung ako nlng lagi ang nag iinititate na ayosin namin ang mga arguments namin. Pag nagtatampo siya ako na lang lagi sumusuyo sa kanya. Kahit minsan prng self-torture na para sa akin. Hindi ako nag give-up pinaglaban ko talaga yung relationship namin. Mas pinili ko yung sakit kesa mag let go. In other words wala na siyang pake, nanlamig na siya.

I am serious when it comes to relationships, gusto ko talaga pang habang buhay na. I don’t date just for fun. Kahit minsan hindi ko na vinavalue yung sarili ko. Which is very wrong!

So back in June 2019 eto yung stage na nagkakalaboan na kami, I’m in a relationship pero nagtitinder ako. I tried tinder since meron naman nagkwekwento sa akin, na nakilala nila yung boyfriend nila sa tinder and yes they are happy with their relationship. So ako naginstall. Swipe dito swipe doon and aaminin ko naghahanap ako ng “rebound” noon. Usually madami ako nakakausap na guy. Casual na convo lng “hi/hello” “taga saan ka?” “nagwowork ka na ba?” “ano work mo?”. Meron pa nga nagsabi sa akin na wag ko daw hanapin ang forever ko sa tinder, others naman gusto agad makipag meet up on our first convo, and others hook-up lang hanap. Moving on nabored and I felt disinterest with the app.

I was very cautious that time, hindi naman ako agad makikipag meetup hanggat dko pa nakikilala yung tao. Pag I feel na interested sila I usually give my FB or IG account tapos doon kami naguusap. There was a time na I thought this guy was very interested in me the way he approached me, lagi siya tumatawag, naggood good morning nagV-VC seems like he wanted me pero yun pala panakip butas ka lang. Naghahanap din pla siya ng rebound, naghahanap ng may maipapakilala at don ko naiisip na nakarma din ako, kse aaminin ko, I have ghosted people too. This went on for months. I still felt empty that time. I tried different dating apps. I tried FB dating and Tantan and Filipino Cupid I was desperate to enter a relationship, even though during that time, naghihilom pa lang ang puso ko. What a loser right? Nagpatuloy pa to hanggang sa naapektuhan na mental health ko isang taon mahigit na akong naginstall and uninstall ng mga dating apps.

So I said to myself tama na tong kalokohan na to! That’s when I felt na wala talagang pag-ibig sa mga dating app or atleast for me. I decided to quit mga dating apps. Nag deactivate din ako ng mga social media accounts ko. I needed a break for myself. I started doing things that I love. I started drawing and I’m a gamer so mahilig din ako sa games. I spent most of the time doing things that I love. I recalled my hobbies na hindi ko na ginigawa simula nung nagka boyfriend ako. Hanggang sa lumipas ang panahon kinalumtan ko na yung ex ko yung dating iniistalk ko pa siya hindi ko ginagawa. Nakapag move on na rin ako. I poured every little thing that I do to my self. Nagself-love sesh ako, I rewarded myself, I keep reminding me that I’m worth it. Pag may gusto akong clothes or stuff that I want, I buy it because for me it’s a form of self-love. Nanumbalik hilig ko sa mga k-dramas (these are the things I normally do nung single pa ako, nanunuod ng mga k-dramas).

And finally I decided to install tinder again. Wala akong expectations noon. Sabi ko casual talk lang. Friends pa hanap ko that time, usap usap lang kasi ayoko na ulit ma apektuhan yung mental health ko. I’ve talk to a lot of guys before and they have ghosted me, and ng ghost din ako. Madami akong nakilala na lalake, other might seem interested at you at first tapos habang tumatagal hindi na nagrereply ayon pala biktima ka na ng ghosting. I don’t want to repeat that cycle again. So niprogram ko talaga sa utak ko everytime na may kausap ako sa tinder, I tell myself na temporary lang sila. Hindi ko na rin tinaasan expectations ko sa kanila, binawasan ko na rin ang pagiging assuming ko. I don’t prioritize replying to them. Kasi finally I know my worth. People come and go sabi nga nila.

Until I met this guy, na bago pa lang sa tinder. Si tepu/pute. I told him na matagal na akong nagtitinder and I haven’t agreed to meet up with any one kasi may trust issues talaga ako pagdating sa meet-up. Gusto ko muna kilalanin yung tao bago ako makipag meet-up.

Luckily we shared the same hobbies. Gamer ako at gamer din siya. Pero hindi pa rin ako kampante, I asked him bakit siya nagtitinder? and ayon bored lang daw siya pero nung nakilala niya ako, sabi niya ayaw na din daw niya magtinder. Gusto na niya ng serious relationship, I clearly told him na against ako sa MU. If ayaw niya ng ganon sabi okay lang, then nice knowing you, but still he pursued me. Nagcontinue prin convo namin. And aaminin ko na first time ko na feel na may spark sa convo namin. Hindi rin ako makapaniwala na may spark sa convo. Kahit hindi ko pa namemeet yung guy. Masaya siyang kausap hindi tulad dati, ang dry and halatang bored lang mga kausap ko noon.

Moving forward, we both agreed na uninstall namin yung app and nagusap kmi sa IG then sa messenger. I told him na I’m not looking for a casual relationship, I want something na pang habang buhay and he told me the same, halos parehas kami ng gusto, compatible kami. Hanggang sa nagmeet kami sinundo niya ako from work. I felt like I’ve known this guy for years, very chill, even though his a complete stranger to me. Taga Manila siya and I’m from Pampanga. Tinanong na rin niya ako, kung ok lang sakin na LDR muna kami? And ang sabi ko ok lang naman sa akin. Nakikita ko sa kanya na nageffort siya pra sa relationship namin though hindi pa kami legal, and soon to be, since medyo may kalayuan kami sa isa’t isa, manila to pampanga vice versa.

Marami siyang plans with me unlike yung ex ko hindi ko pa narinig sa kasama ako sa future niya. To my surprise nung nakita ko siya, he is exactly like the one I prayed to God. Ang sabi ko kasi noon kay Lord, “Lord sana po yung ibigay nyo na lalake saken yung, mabait, matangkad, maputi at may itsura at mamahalin ako ng tunay, may takot sa diyos.” Sabi kasi nila pag nagdadasal ka dpat exact. Nakakakilabot nga ksi he is like the one I’ve been praying for. Now I don’t want to get my hopes up, pero what if siya na talaga? What if siya na yung answered prayer ko? This time I choose to look at things positively. Baka siya na nga ang the one. Sabi nga nila love comes unexpectedly, yung hindi ka handa, hindi mo hinahanap. Kaya when the time is right darating din siya at sana nga siya na ang iniliaan sakin ni Lord. 🙏🙏🙏

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