Disclaimer: The views and opinions expressed in this article are those of the authors and do not necessarily reflect the official position of Boiling Waters PH.
We all have friends na nag sasabi sa atin na “wag ka muna papasok sa isang serious relationship kung hindi ka pa ready”. PERO PAANO NGA BA NATIN MASASABI NA READY NA TAYO? What are the criteria of being “READY”? So here are the guiding principles, by yours truly, para masabi mo na handa ka na or things to do to be prepared for a serious romantic relationship.
First, ask yourself if you are the person that you want yourself to date with or be in a relationship with.
If we ask ourselves this question, it will serve as a self-reflection. Mga tanong tulad nito, naka-move on ka na ba sa ex mo? Gusto mo ba na yung ide-date mo ay hindi pa nakaka-move on sa ex nya at meron pa syang reservetions sa kanya? Or kung ikaw ay may mga serious personal issues na hindi mo pa nareresolve? Gusto mo ba na yung ide-date mo eh ganon din?
While you are busy reading this article, try mo rin makinig sa episode namin:
So if you’re still hurting pa from the things na nangyari sayo in the past, I’m sorry pero hindi ka pa handa. Remember hurting people hurts people. And do you really want to hurt the person you want to be with? Diba hindi naman. Kaya wag kang maharot “TANDAAN ANG FLIRTING AY HINDI GAMOT AT HINDI DAPAT GAMITING GAMOT SA ANO MANG URI NG SAKIT”.
Be the one you want yourself to date with. Acknowledge, recognize and address your own toxic traits na even you matu-turn off if you encounter this toxicity sa ibang tao. Never stop improving yourself. Do something productive and beneficial to you and to other people. Kung meron kang pagkukulang in the past and you’ve recognized your own toxicity, it shows na there’s something na pwede mong i-improve and that is a good thing. Use it as an ace to your advantage. I’m not saying na be a perfect person ah, there’s no such thing. But at least, be the best version of yourself.
And kung maasasabi mo na you’re ready to date yourself, I’m sorry again pero hindi ka pa ready, BUT YOU’RE HALFWAY THERE.
So here is the second half. Ask yourself, are you ready to GET HURT?
Medyo brutal diba? HANDA KA BANG MASAKTAN? Okay lang ba sayo na masaktan? When entering a relationship, it is always a risk and you cannot factor out yung pain or brokenness. Be ready for that, okay? So paano nga ba maging prepared na masaktan?
First is, apply the lessons that you’ve learned from past experiences. Because if you don’t apply yung mga natutunan mong lessons from previous encounters, magiging useless lahat. The truth is, hindi ka natuto and worst, ulitin mo lang yung mga pagkakamali na nagawa mo, ano man yung mga yon. Applied experiences is different from experience alone. So kapag nandyan ka na naman sa pattern mo or yung path na tinatahak mo and ang laging end result ay failed relationship, less hurtful na sya kasi you’ve experienced it already. And you’ll know how to deal with it.
Second is, establish your other relationship like your family, friends and also yung relationship mo with God. Try to reconnect with them. Be a good friend, a son/daughter, a brother/sister, be a good parent if you’re a single mom or dad and also be a good follower of Christ or kung ako man ang religion mo. In that way kapag nasaktan ka, you have someone to go to or there will be someone who’ll be present to comfort you. Hindi ka na maghahanap ng ibang comfort from other people (mayb na meet mo lang sa internet) because in your own circle of friends, family and with God, you feel loved. These will also prevent you from hurting other people by making landi to them. Yes, very conyo.
Lastly, be happy on your own while you’re still single, maximize your singlehood. Know your passion, do what you love. If you like music then learn how to play the guitar or kahit ano. Pwede ding magcover ka ng mga kanta. If you love art, mag-painting ka. If you love plants, mag-alaga ka ng cactus or become a plantito/plantita.
Para once na nasaktan ka ulit, you’d know what makes you happy and you can always go back there.
Yes. Kapag pumasok ka sa isang serious romantic relationship may times talaga na masasaktan ka. Remember there is no such thing as perfect couple/relationship, may ups and downs talaga. May times na madi-disappoint talaga tayo and worst ma-heart broken. We cannot do anything dun sa person that will hurt us. Kung sasaktan ka, sasaktan ka talaga niya. What we can do is to be ready na masaktan. Para kapag dumating yung point na na-hurt ka, you can pull something out of your arsenals.
So kung all set ka na i-date ang sarili mo at prepared kana masaktan. I can say, with confidence, na ready ka na para sa isang serious romantic relationship.