We were already at the brink of our relationship as two people with mutual feelings. You were ready and waiting for my biggest answer, but I’m not yet ready to say that answer.

We are very close but you went far away.

Physically we are very far from each other, you were attending to your priorities but so I am, and every night when it’s time for bed you would always message me and asking how my day was. I cherished every little moment, from good morning messages to late night talks. Even that our eyes would like to shut already, we both tried to stay awake until one of us would say “Tulog na tayo, darling”.

We are that close but you became far away.

You even gave an effort to fill my happy tank. You went to my home for three nights to fill my empty stomach, like you’re treating me that I am your best girl. You knew my favorites, and I am happy with that. You even use my old photos to bully me but it’s because you wanted to love me at my ugliest times. It was the time I felt appreciated and to love myself physically.

It is very close but now you are far away.

I tried to be there for you when you have your breakdowns, but you were trying to push me away from you because you don’t want to be consoled yet you can’t stand of me seeing you that you are at your downfall. You wouldn’t also open up your problems to me kasi ayaw mo akong pag-alalahanin. You were wrong about it, I became even more worried that you thought. You always assured that I shouldn’t worry about you, it feels like you’re pushing me away from you.

Ang gulo mo. Pero sinubukan kitang ayusin. It was the bravery of me to give myself a chance to untie the strings of you. But then you became flexible. Hindi ka pa nga ayos. 

So close but you went far away already.

But above all else, I’m thankful for the little time you gave me. You gave me the happiness that I’ve been looking from a person whom I wholeheartedly going to love for the rest of my life. You were my best first love ever. If you don’t want to talk to me anymore, you don’t have to say it anyway, your actions and vibe says it all. I know you want to be alone and you don’t want me to think and worry about you anymore, it will be an additional cargo that seeing your girl in despair because she’s watching you like that. You were trying to give me an assurance that I shouldn’t worry about you, but it doesn’t affect me at all. Kasi naiintindihan ko. Ang hirap magalit at mainis sa tao dahil naiintindihan ko. It’s very different that I became a person who grew up with pure heart.

Now, we’re not that close anymore and we are far away from each other already.

But if there’s any chance that you want me back, I’m right here waiting for you.