Reality hits you hard. The fact that you know everything but still hurts when someone talks about it with you. You keep fighting, helping yourself to be a better you but then all of a sudden those motivation becomes frustration, asking yourself “am I not really enough?”. “Am I that ugly?”, “Am I that fat?”, “Is it because I can’t bear a child?” Does it makes me less of a woman?”.
These questions that you have been fighting for almost the rest of your lives. Afraid to open to others because we’re afraid of being judged. I know, I am aware that in order to be whole is you have to start loving yourself. That you have to focus on taking care of yourself. But how? Especially at times when anxiety attacks. Some might says, you need God but do you know that I do daily devotion? I am trying my best to get in touch with the Lord. I am praying often times but the feeling I can’t explain whenever I feel hopeless, I feel lonely, I feel unworthy. I just can’t.
I am overwhelmed, I am drowning. Full of emotions.
I sometimes feel motivated but at times defeated.
Feeling beautiful yet look unlovely.
Looking happy but deep inside I’m aching.
I don’t know if I will ever find my way back.
I still feel lost. In a dark, gloomy alley.
