In this generation that’s always in a rush, even in relationships and has romanticized it all too well, I’m pretty sure we’ve all heard and read a lot of relationship advises all over facebook, twitter and from our friends.
I hate to disappoint because this ain’t one of those, this ain’t those feel good relationship advises you’ll ever hear.
From “consistency is key,” “time, love and effort is the essence of relationships,” “choose someone who’ll love you a little more on your bad days and chooses you every day,” “date someone you don’t have to impress,” “date someone who’ll always have a soft spot for you,” “communication and comprehension, learn not just to listen but to understand,” “don’t change them, accept them. But help each other grow into better versions of yourselves,” and the endless list goes on.
I’m pretty sure most of us, or not ALL have already heard these famous lines, of course these are just a few of the most common and general ones.
And although these are indeed TRUE, but what most of you don’t know is that, these are FRUITS, not ROOTS.
I’m about to speak with all honesty, genuinity and no filters, so brace yourselves.
Most of us love to skip into the relationships phase and dwell IN romanticizing relationships or IN relationships, that we end up forgetting one of the most important foundations of relationships, singlehood. We take being single so negatively and take this season for granted that we forget how truly crucial this stage is in every relationship, YOU as an individual.
How good you are at being single determines how good you’ll be in a relationship, and your relationship with Christ dictates the rest of your relationships, even outside the romantic spectrum.
The perception of most people is that being single is being alone and being alone leads to loneliness. Let me tell you the famous line that goes “single but not lonely,” WILL NEVER SUFFICE. You see we’re human and imperfect, loneliness is actually part of our design, and at some point we ALL get lonely. But we have to understand that this empty whole is only meant to be filled by God, He’s the only one who can complete you. Being single means being in God’s presence, physically alone but consistently accompanied by God. Loneliness is felt through the soul but when you’ve learned to rest, enjoy and be contented under God’s presence, you also learn to rest, enjoy and be contented in your own presence.
Get to know God and you’ll get to figure yourself out even better
Single hood is the season and area of our your life where you and God get to encounter each other in a personal, individual and one on one level of intimacy where no romantic relationship can ever fill. The season where as you get to know Him, you get to know yourself better, as you fall in love with Him deeper, you fall in love with yourself even deeper. The season where your toxic character and areas in your life that needs to change are exposed and revealed. Because if you jumped into a relationship half baked, you’d not just be bringing these toxic traits but as well as cost unnecessary damage to yourself and to someone else. The stage where you are being prepared and molded because relationships aren’t easy, people love to envision the honey moon stage yet forget that the GOAL is DATE TO MARRY. Marriage is a covenant, it’s a one way ticket without an exit whenever you want to or whenever you feel like it. And imagine if you rushed yourself to get into a relationship when God’s not even done molding and preparing you, it’s like going into war without proper training.
TWO BROKEN PEOPLE DON’T, I REPEAT, DON’T MAKE A WHOLE
Both are different people with different broken pieces that can NEVER patch up each other. Imagine breaking two different mugs and using both different pieces to form and make one whole mug, I’m pretty sure there’ll be tiny cracks, dents, and gaps with different designs. It’s the same as getting into relationships when God hasn’t called you to be in one.
Hurt people, hurt people, you’ll be bleeding on people who didn’t even hurt you and once again causing even more broken pieces upon yourself and upon the other.
When you could’ve allowed God to work on you first before giving you to someone else. Only GOD can FIX YOU, what better way to fix the creation but through its creator. Only the creator know how He made you, why He made you and what He made you for, self-worth, identity and purpose. Because if you don’t know your self-worth, identity and purpose you’ll either find it in something/someone else OR something/someone else will set and dictate it for you. Yet it’ll only cause you more damage and frustration because that’s not how you were designed and created and that something/someone doesn’t know you the way your creator does.
You CAN’T GIVE what you DON’T HAVE and you can only GIVE AS MUCH as you HAVE
Picture this, someone asks you for money and you give about 1,000 because it’s all you have, so you’re left with NOTHING for yourself. Then the same person asks money again, with a bigger amount, let’s say 10,000. Although you don’t have this amount of money but you truly want to help out and because you love this person, you end up borrowing money from someone else instead and give that person the 10, 000 they need.
Once again I only have TWO things I’d like to point out and I’d like you to see
“YOU CAN ONLY GIVE AS MUCH AS YOU HAVE”
But when you gave it all you’re left with NOTHING, so what about YOU?
“YOU CAN’T GIVE WHAT YOU DON’T HAVE”
The 10,000 you lent, was NO LONGER YOURS, it was from a different SOURCE,
The question is “WHO” did you borrow from?
It can either be another FINITE source that runs out and will ask something else in return with interest, emotions, feelings, dignity, integrity, self-worth, purpose, identity and so on, WITH INTEREST. The damage done will be x100.
You can choose this INFINITE source, with a never ending supply with NO INTERESTS and wants nothing in return but want only who you truly are, broken, damaged, scared, scarred, traumatized, lost and so on. Yet just wants His love to overflow through you.
PUT GOD FIRST AND EVERYTHING ELSE WILL FOLLOW
Yes it’s one of the most famous lines we all hear all the time yet it NEVER loses its power
You no longer have to worry when, where and who “the one” is, because you know God will give it to you at the right time, right place and the right person. All you have to do is just rest, enjoy and be contented in His and your own company first before someone else comes. God gives you a partner NOT to COMPLETE YOU, YOU’RE ALREADY COMPLETE, but instead to COMPLEMENT YOU, that’s why it’s called PARTNERSHIP.
Right time, wrong person, is still the wrong love. Right time, wrong person, is still the wrong love. Right time, right person, God place to decide = the right love.
Although even when we get into relationships we are still imperfect but this time you and your partner will have a common ground the same INFINITE SOURCE OF LOVE.
So NEVER take your singlehood FOR GRANTED because it’s what God can use to change you into the partner you truly need to be for “God’s Best.”
How can you be the right person for someone when you can’t even be the right person for yourself
Men, pursue God first before you pursue a woman. If you can’t be consistent with your walk with Christ, what makes you so sure you’re ready to pursue and be consistent with someone else? Be committed and faithful to God and to yourself first before you commit to His princess.
Women, let God pursue you first, how God pursues you should be a reflection and an example of how a man should pursue you. If you can’t be firm in your faith and commitment to God, what makes you so sure that you can be firm in the boundaries of a relationship? Seek the King as your partner first, before you seek a relationship with His prince.
Relationships and Marriage is based on COMMITMENT NOT A FEELING