All throughout those times that you are with me, sharing your thoughts about work, life and love, I have been so silent. My smiles and laughters have been my constant response. I choose to listen, and accept whatever perspective you have on those things. Indeed, you are complicated but that’s what making you more special.
I am writing you this letter to share my thoughts but before anything else, I’d like to say sorry if I’m going to do this thru this piece of paper for this is the most comfortable way I know in expressing myself.
I am someone who is so afraid to do or try something new. Or maybe it’s not about trying something new that I am afraid of, it’s the result. I’m afraid of disappointment, failure, pain. I’m afraid of what others may think about me. Unlike you, I am not a risk-taker. I am not as brave as you are. I’m not going to risk on something uncertain. So for years, I stayed single. I’m afraid to trust people because I’m afraid to get hurt and get broken. I’m always looking at the negative side of everything.
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Then one day, when I least expect it, you suddenly appeared, and change everything. Or shall I say, love changes everything.
For the first time in my entire life, I have the courage to do something new, without the fear of disappointment, of failure, and of pain. And without being bothered by what others might think about me. For the first time, I took the risk.
Being with you feels so perfect. Holding your hand, looking into your eyes, listening to your stories, watching you drive with one-hand, listening to your musics, repeatedly asking what’s this and that street and etc. Damn, if only I could stop time, I would surely do.
I started dreaming to do things with you like how usual couples do, holding hands while walking, taking pictures with just the 2 of us and proudly share it on social media, travelling, dating, just being free expressing our love with each other without getting bothered by those eyes around us.
But while I’m at my happiest with you, that’s when you decided to build distance between us. I wasn’t able to prepare myself for this though I already expected this from the beginning.
After choosing to choose you everyday, I suddenly wake up one day to choose not to choose you. This is definitely breaking my heart.
Is this breaking yours as well? I hope so.
Now, I can say that life is so unfair. For allowing us to fall inlove in the wrong time. For allowing me to fall inlove for the first time with someone whom I can’t hold on forever. This is painful. But I appreciate the intention of keeping the distance between us. Thank you for doing the initiative to do the right thing.
I hope the next time I cross your path, it’s when life’s already fair and time’s already right. And I can start choosing you again, and finally, you can choose me. 🖤
But this time, let’s accept that LOVE is not enough.