Love is something that makes us feel right. It somehow keeps us going on a day-to-day basis.

My experience of love was a roller coaster ride. As early as grade school, I remember I had my first crush.

He’s cute. He has this dimples which makes him even more cuter. I clearly remember his complete name up until now. But, of course, I won’t disclose it. Lol.

Crush, admiration, puppy love, first love, romantic love, passionate love or whatever you may want to call it – I had the chance to experience all of those at a young age.

Yep! You heard that right.

Back then, I based my worth and value to other people. Specifically to boys.

I thought that if someone likes me, then that would be enough. That would be the parameter of me being above the other girls.

I seek validation from them. I want it to come from them.

But, I was totally wrong.

You see, I had series of heartbreaks after heartbreaks. Mistakes after mistakes. Failures after failures.

I had to learn the lesson all over again.

God let me experienced those breakdowns because He wanted me to become a strong woman after His own heart.

He wanted to prune my heart. He desires my welfare. So, I have to relearn and unlearn a lot of things in order for me to fully grasp what God is really telling me.

It was not an easy journey. I am still learning up until now.

But by the grace of God, through prayer and fasting, I can say that I am enjoying my single season peacefully and joyfully.

Still, I am thankful for my past experiences because without those I won’t be the woman I am today.

A woman who is striving to live a life of virtue. A woman who wanted to build a life that is pleasing to God. 

I realized that Jesus died for me at the cross despite me being unworthy.

I do not deserve that kind of love. A love that is beyond that I could ever imagine. A love that will definitely last in this lifetime. Eternally.

So, to all the boys I’ve loved before. It wasn’t love after all.