Not once. Not twice nor even thrice. A couple of times have I already experienced the bliss of the so-called Love and everything that comes thereafter. But before I take a chance at love again, let me say a few more things to the people I’ve fell in love with once upon a time.
Sorry. I’m sorry for not being able to give what you have expected of me. Maybe you were drawn by my witty persona – a veil I used to hide my anxieties and so, you expected a girl who’s up for anything. You enticed me with quests I could not explore at the moment. You loved discovering and honestly, so am I. But I am sorry I couldn’t be there to discover the world with you. You were daring and bold while I am cautious and restrained. Maybe that was the reason I can never be that ‘someone’ enough to quench your thirst for adventures.
I am relieved. My part of being in your lives ended that very moment when we parted ways but nevertheless, I am relieved that you’ve found the person who completes you now. Honestly, I hated you before for everything you have done and haven’t done. I despised the idea of being able to know and love you back then, so much I wished for ill wills. But I realized that some time ago, you were my ray of hope for the existence of true love. You were someone who accepted me despite seeing me flawed. But still, love isn’t really enough to keep things and people around. And this maybe is the very reason why we are never meant together after all.
Lastly, I am thankful. I thank you for coming into my life. Each, of differing perspectives in life, opened my mind on how beautiful these souls are despite the differences. You’ve taught me well of lessons that I could never learn from the books and lectures alone. You’ve let me experience and feel the emotions I’ve been just hearing from the people around. You’ve helped me break away from my shell, little by little, and emerge as a person who’s stronger, braver and wiser.
For the support you once bestowed.
For the love letters that brought butterflies in my tummy.
For the late night convos and stolen kisses.
For making me feel special beyond my fantasies.
For making me feel the fear of losing someone.
For forging my heart into a stronger one through lies, deception and broken promises.
Thank you for making me the woman I am today. Those hard-learned lessons will surely guide me to avoid falling into another shit-trap once again. And I believe those heartbreaks are meant by God to lead me one step much closer to the one I am truly fated to be with.
With a stronger heart and a wiser mind,