An onshore afternoon wind snaps through my face and hair. Every strand dances to it’s rhythm, a melodic sway. I’m feeling the cold season already, december is fast approaching. I lay wait to the beep of my phone then I started thinking what would life be 4 years from now then I ended up writting this.
“To My Isaac,
I’ve cried a thousand times for a thousands of goodbyes that never one of them is true to our hearts. We may distance ourselves to one another but still I see my heart stringed to yours.
The pain of that distance was always there and it stretches the capacity of my endurance in tolerating pain. I laid every loneliness and heart aches to the ONE who can make all things possible.
Everyday is a wrestling battle with my feelings and begging scenario to God that He may take away every desires that are yet not suit in for this very moment.
Everyday I choose to let you go, it’s hard for me and even if it cost me too much nevertheless His will be done and not mine not ours either.
Tho everyday is a decision to make that choosing life that is worthy of the chances God had given, those choices that will not compromise the plans of God for our both lives. That God centered decision that I know both of us won’t regret after all.
I want you to know that, all of those things I’ve done is for our own sake. I might not exert effort talking to you, I myself is struggling with that but It’s just my way of controlling our emotions than listening to it. We both know it’s deceiving so better crash it before it crashes us. I do believed also in the saying that “If your man is weak at that area you need to be stronger.” So I supposed we are both weak in terms of feelings but I need to stand my ground for us to be away from things that will distract us.
All of those things we’ve been through and still not giving up on each other is a by product of love. Not selfishness but love that knows no exchange. We don’t fight for our relationship to last this far but God does and above all I owe Him everything about us. He is the foundation and The rock of our love forever.”
I should send this letter to you next year but everything changes so does your feelings for me. I’m okay with that so long as you are happy with her, I’m happy for you. I pray for all the best for you. Continue to live the dreams you have for yourself, I know you can do it. Continue to soar high. Know that in every victory, I’ll still be here in a distance celebrating with you. We didn’t end up together after all but still my heart rejoice seeing us both serving the Lord without guilt and shame. May God be the center of everything that you do. God Bless You!
Until then, my love…
Love and prayers,
Yung pinangakuan mo na babalikan
