Disclaimer: The views and opinions expressed in this article are those of the authors and do not necessarily reflect the official position of Boiling Waters PH.

 

“Basag-basag ako, but I don’t need you to pick my broken pieces and try to fix me”

 

They say that something broken just needs someone to come and fix it, yet hindi ata applicable sa akin.

 

I am broken but I am not asking to be fixed by someone else. I am already broken enough and the least that I would want is to break even more by seeing you get hurt while trying to fix someone like me. Hindi mo ako kailangan buuin, the fixing will come on my part.

 

To the other half of my soul, I’m still believing that you will come and enter my life. I may not or may had crossed paths with you before, but I think that fate has not yet wanted us to coexist in each other’s world. Pero gusto kong malaman mo that I have this hopeful part on me who still have faith that one day you will be there to not to take down my walls but to find the door that will lead you inside this weak yet still surviving heart of mine.

I know it would be a very difficult task for you. Being with a person as shattered as me, as I had been broken enough to the point of not wanting to be fixed anymore. My fragmented heart had already mastered how to act and pretend of being okay despite being crushed over and over again.

I had been torn by the people I loved, Nasaktan at nawasak ako kapalit ng pagmamahal na meron ako para sa kanila. I had been shattered into bits by the situations that I never intend to take part in. And I am still in the process of being crushed over and over because of the pain that I refuse to let go of. Yes, this is me, I am as broken as this.

But despite being broken as I am, I’m still holding to the belief that you exist. I am still hoping that there is someone out there for me. Someone who will not come to try and fix me up but let my broken pieces turn into seeds of new hope for me. My heart has been ruptured into unrecognizable bits, yet we are not looking for someone to fix us.

Me and my heart just need someone who will be there to be our source of hope and courage during the process of  finally being whole again. I know it would be a tough battle just to win my heart, but I hope that you would not give up on me and continue fighting your way to be part of my life.

I hope you could be that person who will light up my world thru your silly ways instead of showering me with comforting words and advice. 

I am not asking you to try and repair  me but I am hoping for you to let me make your love as the thread that I will use  to stitch up the open wounds of my past. It is not you who is responsible of putting back together the broken pieces of me but it’s me. And I am capable of fixing myself yet I refuse to do so, coz I lose the will the do so . Pero I know it deep in my heart, gusto ko parin namang mabuo muli but I am in need of someone like you. I am in need of the love of someone that I know was planned to take part in making realized that I deserve to be whole again. Hindi ko alam pero sadyang hindi ko na kasi maisip na buuin pa and sarili ko, maybe that’s the reason why I am waiting for you. I am simply looking for someone who will not try to fix me but try to make me understand what it means to be whole again.

I know na mahirap panghawakan and isang tulad ko, pero ayokong hawakan mo ako habang basag basag pa ako. I simply want you around me while my pieces are still broken, I need your presence as my source of will to be new again. At kapag dumating yung point na muli kong mabuo yung basag basag na ako, that’s the time na gugustuhin ko na hawakan mo ako at wag nang bitawan pa.

To that someone who’s gonna love this broken person,

Please do have the patience in me, like how I had the patience in waiting for you.

Please dont give up on me so easily like how I dont give up on my hoping for you.

And lastly please be there for me like how my heart has been here for you despite of being in this broken state.