To The Man Who Looked Like Love

Believe me when I say I wanted to ask, to confirm, but I hesitated a lot of times. And now, here I am, wondering whether there was actually an almost me and you or was it just my karupukan all along.

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There was a time when I constantly had butterflies dancing in my stomach. There was a time when the world seemed to be a mixture of all the happy colors. There was a time when I met a man and told myself, “So this is what love looks like.”

To the man who looked like love:

We were friends. We always had something to laugh about. You liked laughing a lot and I liked making jokes. That was probably the start of something new. (Ha.) Some of our friends teased us but I did not really mind. Until one day.

Remember when we coincidentally saw each other at school? I extended my hand for a handshake and you held it a little longer when I was about to let go. You said, “Wait lang.” and talked about random stuff while our hands were hugging each other. That moment was cloud9. It was then that I learned the art of maintaining a poker face when my mind was actually having fireworks display.

Here’s another thing: your sweet, sweet smile. Remember the times we used to sit under the stars? Well, it was not really for a date but just for a copy of a movie or a kdrama series. Still, your presence, you being next to me, and the way you laugh were too precious I wish I could record every moment.

And during those times, you always made sure to flash that cotton candy smile when you could’ve just turned away after saying goodbye.

At first, I thought I was just hallucinating and exaggerating things, but boy, oh boy, the smile was consistent. And with each smile, my heart melted. It became my ray of hope. Thay maybe, just maybe, the feeling was mutual.

We stayed as friends and sometimes, it felt like there was something more than that.

Believe me when I say I wanted to ask, to confirm, but I hesitated a lot of times. And now, here I am, wondering whether there was actually an almost me and you or was it just my karupukan all along.

Weeks ago, you made my heart flutter. I was happy and excited. But just like the climate, you suddenly changed. You became cold and distant. Your reply to my messages were shorter than a heartbeat. I tried to reach out but you never failed to make it look like you’re not interested in making the conversation last.

And that’s a hint, right? A hint telling me to stop. A hint that you no longer want me in your life.

I once thought memories were powerful. But then again, it might just be me who valued those moments.

You are on the other side of the planet right now but someday, if we ever see each other again, you will still look like love. The I-thought-we-were-almost kind of love. The love that was actually unrequited. The love that will always ache.