What I almost lost when I held on to you.

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Perhaps the most important thing I’ve learned from letting you go was to realize what I almost lost while I was trying so bad to keep you.

I lost sleep waiting for you to talk to me, or wondering how your day went. And on days I’d hear nothing from you, I’d lost sleep wondering what happened and if you were still mine. While I can’t get back the sleep I’ve lost, I’m just glad I can still dream of better days, even without you. 

I almost lost my friends – and probably I already did lose some of them – when I thought I didn’t need them as long as I had you. They tried to look out for me, and I probably should’ve listened, but I didn’t. I’m just glad some of them are still here, not to tell me “I-told-you-sos” but to tell me I have to keep moving forward despite this setback.

I almost lost my family, when I broke all the rules while trying to be with you. I broke their heart, I made them worry, I made them sad. And I cannot emphasize enough how I’m so glad they’re still here, to show me they love me and how deeply they care for me.

The worst, probably is that I almost lost myself. I forgot to take care of myself and my heart while I wanted to take care of yours. I almost lost my sanity, I almost lost my passion, I was starting to become someone I wasn’t, and doing things I normally wouldn’t dream of doing while I was trying to be with you, because I thought that was how I could make you stay. 

While I realized that some of those things were also good for me, some things were not – and maybe it was good to put an end to them before I could’ve done any permanent damage to myself.

It wasn’t really your fault, you never did make me do any of it. I’m not blaming you, and I don’t want to, because this one’s on me – I’ve made my world revolve around you, when what I should’ve done was just to make you a part of it. I was so engrossed in the idea that all I needed was to be with you, and then I need not think of what the whole world would have to say or think.

I’ve read it in books, I’ve seen it in movies, and you’d think I’d have already learned from them, yet I still needed to experience it first hand for me to learn. Maybe I had to meet you, so that I would realize what things I hold important in my life, and what I should be holding on to instead of someone who couldn’t even hold my hand for long.

While it is sad that I lost you, I guess I have to, so I could gain much more in return – my life back. I have to let go of your hand because it wasn’t mine to hold. I have to lose you so I don’t lose myself.

Disclaimer: The views and opinions expressed in this article are those of the authors and do not necessarily reflect the official values or position of Boiling Waters PH. Assumptions made within the analysis are not reflective of the position of any Boiling Waters PH entity.