You are my favorite memory

You are my favorite memory.
The sudden glance we’ve had the first day we’ve met,
There was no magical moment
Never been a sparkle of the eyes
No silly tummy-aches,
I, was only a stranger to you.

Had I been only careful back then,
Had I slipped right past through the door
And not look back at that corner
Where I accidentally met your eyes —
It became the slowest, three seconds of my life
If only something happened
For me not to notice you
Will I still remember you?

And every night I would think about
the days I would see you
And at night I would remember
About you,
Over
and over again…

I thought you’d know someday.
How I became fond of those memories with you
Silent nights, road trips
Long conversations about random things that made me feel
privileged that I could learn more about you.
You became my constant joy
More than a dear friend, more than a brother,
You’ve turned into someone special.

You are my favorite memory
The smell of your car
And the songs of your playlist that I would remember
I learned to play those songs whenever I’m alone
that could remind me of the memories
I’ve shared, deeply valued
With you.

I had to go unnoticed.
Though I thought you’d feel the same,
even in the slightest chance
in the smallest probability
I locked myself upon certain “what-ifs”
Trying to find a way
Kept thinking just maybe
Whenever you smile,
the reason behind could also be me.

Whether I am in love with you,
or just into the idea of loving someone
I made up my mind thinking that someone
probably, in time, it might be you.

I blamed myself for the distance between us
Until then I never thought the reason could be
God just simply wanting to protect me
From you,
from myself,
from falling deeper to a person
who’s merely not for me.

I still remember you during the course of the day
And when I do, I pray for you.
Even if I am in the process of accepting
it’s not you who I will end up with.
To you, I’m just someone you happen to share lives with.
An acquaintance,
A random friend.

But I’ll never stop praying for you,
in the battles that you face,
for the peace to rule in your heart
In every place you’ll feel the joy
In your innermost well being.

Please do know that I want you to experience
the joy I’ve felt from you
The kind of joy you’ve also been longing
even if now I clearly see that it’s not and never will be me.

I long in the future
That I may look back at this day,
Free from all the pain,
From all the crying each night that I had to cover up the next morning,
From all the questions unanswered,
From those insecurities
From all the heartaches.
And will only see you
As a memory.
As an old friend.

Yes, I will still remember you.
The memories
The old songs from your playlist
The laughs and smiles
The tears I’ve shed each and every night
Deeply wanting what I’ve prayed and hoped for

I am in full hope,
That I will be a lot more stronger in Christ
Surrendering all of my broken pieces
unto Him
so by then I will be able to move forward
and the time we’ll cross our paths again
I can proudly say, thank you…
I’ve learned to let go of you.