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I saw his name earlier, and, felt nothing. I thought, maybe the feeling is totally gone. But then again, I was reminded that I shouldn’t trust my emotion as of the moment. Coz I always fail every single time.
It’s been years.
Kidding! Almost 9 mos now. Since I wrote about him. Though he occupies 3/4 of everything since day 1. Yes I am guilty of treachery coz of him. Just then that I realized I should stop writing. A thing. About him.
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And it’s been 2 mos since he dropped the bomb. That I am merely a big sister to her. Sort of an aunt. Given the 10 years gap.
Can’t really remember how it started, when and who’s to blame. All I can recall to mind is that, I woke up one day, and tried hard to go back to sleep again for the reason that I don’t know how to face the fact that I am into him. That was my reality for 3 years.
He didn’t give me a word the first time I told him. He also didn’t do anything about it. Like nothing happened at all. From then, I started blaming myself for having feelings for him. I felt like I corrupted his ignorance. I feel so ugly and unworthy.
Now I have decided to live for the better me and a brighter tomorrow. This emotions I have for him is being lifted to the hand of my God. I still cannot trust my emotion, but I can trust God. He knows better than I. And one thing is for sure: this too shall pass.