Though kicking someone else out of your life is a daunting task, but with growth mindset, an ounce of motivation, and faith in God, YOU can do it! So, I set up this 9-day Challenge to kick someone out of your system. Take it one day at a time.
Day 1. NO CONTACT RULE.
Just for the whole day, one day. Do not touch your phone. Hide it, keep it away from you. Somewhere unreachable, untouchable (Is there a kind of place?) You might be tempted to text, call or even browse his/her Facebook wall and see his/her face again. You will get curious and eventually spend another whole day thinking about the person. So, gear up, buttercup. Never touch your phone in a day.
Great things start small. If you can’t open your phone and ending up stalking him/her, you will surely do it, the second, the third until you can’t stop.
Day 2. DO NOT REPLY (In case, he/she contacts you)
An emoticon, a hand wave gesture or whatever is still a reply. It will only give you a chance to open a communication line and be reminded of that person again. Guess what, when you reply, you will feel the neurotransmitters such as the dopamine, serotonin and adrenalin that will definitely make you feel good, excited and anticipating, especially when you see the dotted lines in your FB Messenger which indicates replying. So, here you again. Yep! Going back into-that-same-old-habit, so do not reply.
Day 3. ENGAGE IN A NEW HOBBY.
Novel things interest us, so-so much. And when you are learning a thing or two, may it be a hobby, a new interest, new adventure, your mind will be preoccupied. You will have no room to think about him/her. I may sound exaggerating, yes, I will not argue with you when you still think about him/her, but I believe spending time with novel things will awaken your interest (But, I’m begging you, not with another human being yet). Let fresh starts be your healing. Try baking, wall climbing, playing chess, ride a bike and indulge in creative writing. You will be amazed of what you can do!
Day 4. UNLEARN HABITS
Sound challenging? Old habits die hard. Habits are patterned behavior you learn over time. No matter how hard you try, you get back to the old self. Until such time, you indulge yourself into wishful thinking and make us wish to have a magical wand to forget everything about him/her. Reality check, you are not existing in Hogwarts, so you have to gather yourself together and face it with your eyes wide open.
The good news is, habits are learned, so it can be unlearned. Do I make sense? So if you have learned the habit of thinking about him/her, romanticizing and imagining yourself with that person, so you can also unlearned them.
Watch your thoughts. When you think about that person, put that thoughts into an imaginary box. Every time, he/she pops up into your mind, hold it, remember, it is all because of serotonin. If you allow it to overcome you, so be it. You can not move on.
Think of the top five things that you dislike about him/her, e.g. bad taste clothing preference, unclipped fingernails, untrimmed hair, poor posture and bad habits.
DAY 5. TALK AND MEET NEW FRIENDS
The world revolves and it does not revolves around and that person alone. Come on, you are a social animal – meet new people. Talk, exude that confidence, beam that smile, and shine the world with your positivity.
Look around you, you still have your network of friends and you are not alone in this battle. I am here for you. Well, letting go of that someone that do not deserve you does not close a door, in fact, many door of opportunities will be opened. You have to be patient. So cheer up, buttercup. You deserve to be treated with utmost respect. Learn to love yourself first so that people will love you, too.
DAY 6. SAY IT ON PAPER.
If you can not express online, say it on a paper. Come on, its not jurassic yet, narrative therapy is therapeutic. Come on, you need no to post everything about your experience in social media. Remember, prying eyes, wicked spirit and judgmental people are lurking around. Do not subject yourself to false judgment. So, brace yourself, buttercup. You can express yourself through pen and paper. I call it a journal, my friend, Anne Frank’s constant companion and confidante that made her survived the Holocaust. Write the longest letter for him/her, be comfortable with your language, be it your dialect or English, so be it. Do it as your emotions flow. It is catharsis, you got to experience it. Do not deny your feelings, validate it, accept and willing to let go. Viola! You are almost there. Keep on.
If you finish your letter, re-read it until such time you are ready to let go. If you feel that you are ready – crumpled, burned or put the paper on a shredder. A symbolic way to kick that person out of your life. But of course, you have to do it, when you are ready. When is that? Only you knows the answer.
Day 7. HEALING TAKES TIME.
Wounds do not heal overnight. It has its own season, own pace under the sun. So do not rush in, only fools do it. Recap, you have not contacted the person, you did not reply to a single wave or emoticon, you have engaged yourself into a new hobby, you have unlearn obnoxious habits, you meet and greet new friends, you have express yourself through pen and paper, and now, You are ready to heal.
Give yourself a psychological space to do it. Though the pain will haunt you every now and then, do not worry, it is normal. Acknowledge that you are hurting, but tell yourself, I may be hurting now, but not tomorrow. Journey with yourself. Watch your thoughts. Remember that healing takes time. You deserve to be healed.
Day 8. FIND MEANING IN YOUR EXPERIENCE.
Experience is the best teacher. The circumstance where you find yourself at the moment has a meaning, it may be hidden, and I think you have to look for it. Introspection is the key, my friend. Look inward, what this experience has got to do with me? Will this make me a better version of myself? Will this make me a more functional member of society? Will this make a person I aspire to be?
The experience may be negative or positive has a meaning. So don’t forget to look for its meaning. It will enlighten you and will definitely help you reach your Day 9.
Day 9. FIND SOLACE IN GOD’S WORDS
You deserve a tap on your shoulder. Pray without ceasing. God answers prayer, believe me. And on Day 9, you meet that person in the library, coffee shop or anywhere, and when you feel everything goes back to where it started, just pray “The Lord’s Prayer” three times.
Prayer is your powerful tool to shoo away temptation. Pray for acceptance, healing, and inner peace.