Back in 2022, someone messaged me on Messenger and asked for advice. She is an NBSB (No Boyfriend Since Birth), turning 28 and still has no boyfriend. She said she feels a lot of pressure because she’s turning 28, and everyone around her either has a boyfriend or is already married. She added that the reason why nobody likes her might be because she is not beautiful
I didn’t offer her direct advice that time. Instead, I suggested some questions to help her explore her own thoughts. I’ll share them here and try to elaborate.
1. Why do I want to enter into a romantic relationship? How do I view romantic relationships (*added)?
It can be a lot of pressure being single because everybody else has their partners or because you’re at the age where you think you should be in a relationship or married.
Yet, it is worth considering searching our hearts to understand our feelings. This way, we can gain a better understanding of ourselves and confront our feelings.
My relatives often asked me when I will have a boyfriend. I have an aunt who used to joke that she’ll “magpapa-spaghetti” (will cook spaghetti) when that time finally comes. I also remembered a time when my mother was concerned because my friends had boyfriends, but I didn’t.
It can really be pressing when many people ask you, “When will you have a boyfriend?” or “You should get a boyfriend already.” I’ve felt that pressure, too.
But longing to be in a romantic relationship just because everyone else has one, or because you feel pressured by others’ opinions, or because you think your clock is ticking, can be dangerous. We might go through unnecessary pain just because we are impatient.
Every time I was asked when I will have a boyfriend, I didn’t have an answer. It was unknown to me.
When I reflected on this mystery of not having a boyfriend, I asked myself, “Do I really want to be in a romantic relationship?” My answer leaned toward “No.” or at least for that time because I’m not ready.
Later on, I no longer let these questions bother me because I have resolved it in my heart that I should not be seeking a romantic relationship for reasons other than it is for a greater purpose. That is, its goal is marriage, with a commitment to build a generation that loves and follows God.
2. Am I ready to enter into a romantic relationship?
When I was in college, I was so engrossed with the idea of being in love. I remember a friend once bet that I’d be the first among our group to enter a romantic relationship, perhaps because he noticed how eager I was about the idea of love (HAHA). *But that didn’t happen because it took seven years after college before I had my current boyfriend.
I just love the idea of being in love. I thought that a romantic relationship will bring me happiness or satisfaction.
Years went by while I was single, and it seemed I had forgotten the passion of my youth for the idea of love. But I wouldn’t say I wasn’t open to meeting a potential partner. I had my fair share of heartbreak, too. I once cried over a guy whom I thought was romantically interested in me. I invested my time and emotions and left my heart unguarded.
My turning point came when it dawned on me that he wasn’t after anything other than maybe just looking for someone to talk to. He would be there whenever he felt like chatting but then disappear without a trace.
One of things I learned was that entering into a romantic relationship shouldn’t be confusing. It should bring clarity and commitment.
With the help of my support system, I moved forward with a new perspective and gained a renewed focus.
As I navigated life, I realized that while having a partner is a bonus, it’s another thing entirely to have the peace of knowing that you are satisfied with God and the life you live, regardless of whether you have a partner or not.
And so, I laid my heart to rest in God and let Him tell me if I am ready to receive a gift (a partner or singlehood) in His time.
3. How am I preparing myself during my time of being single?
Now, we don’t know what God’s gift is for each of us and when He is going to reveal it.
We were told to wait for ‘the one.’ But what are we doing while we are waiting? How are we preparing ourselves during singlehood?
In the book I read called, How Do I Know The One? by Nelson T. Dy, he suggested, “Make yourself so attractive that the other person will naturally desire you.”
He also highlighted some points for at least eight areas we need to improve— physical, spiritual, intellectual, emotional, financial, career, social and educational. I am going to share a snippet of the strategic insights Nelson Dy wrote about for each area.
(Below are excerpts from the book How Do I Know The One? by Nelson Dy.)
1. Physical. Focus on health, not looks. Be in such a great shape that you will be radiant with vitality, thereby attracting “the one”.
2. Spiritual. Cultivate a beautiful soul that will attract “the one”.
3. Intellectual. Be filled with wisdom beyond your years.
4. Emotional. Train yourself not to be overly ruled by feelings, but leverage them for maximum benefit.
5. Financial. Build wealth while you are still agile and mobile.
6. Career. Make yourself invaluable you will never lack for a job.
7. Education. Boost your academic credentials.
8. Social. Develop a reliable network or community.
I can only share so much from the book, and this part is worth a separate blog. I also recommend reading the book yourself. There are a lot of valuable insights you can gain as you prepare during singlehood.
In conclusion, we all have our own timelines and gifts from God. If there was a solution to a longing heart for a relationship, would you sign up for it?
Here’s a truth I wanted to share with you: No ONE or nothing can ever complete or satisfy you. Only the One who created you, God, can fill the void in your heart.
It is said in 1 John 4;19 (NIV), “We love because He first loved us.” And “God loved the world so much that he gave his only Son, so that everyone who believes in him would not be lost but have eternal life (John 3:16, ERV).”
God loved us first, even before we knew it or acknowledged it. His love for us is selfless, unconditional, constant, and perfect.
Will you accept His love for you?
If you said yes, feel free to pray this prayer in your heart.
“Lord Jesus, thank you so much for loving me. I need you in my life. I need you to fill in the void in my heart that only You can satisfy. I confess that I am a sinner and have made mistakes in my life. I believe that You died on the cross to pay for all my sins. I open my heart to you. Please come into my life and be my Savior and my Lord. I accept Your gift of eternal life and Your purpose to give me a full life. Thank you, Jesus. Amen.”
If you prayed that prayer, I want to congratulate you! Cheers to the source of love that is overflowing and fills your heart with joy and peace.
May you be so in love with Him that you find peace within– single or in a relationship. In the meantime, let’s hustle while we wait.
