A Letter to Someone Who’s Not Yet Mine

Dear Future Mine,

In the sea of souls, our eyes met. You asked my name and so did I. Who would believe that from a simple talk, we ended up with endless chats. How can I forget the time you tripped yourself when I first saw you. With your clumsiness, it annoys me yet it also made me smile. I can also recall the day when it was drizzling outside and I had a paper to submit. You came up to me and lend me your umbrella. How sweet of you right?

As we uncover each other’s mask, our shadows and imperfections we kept were uncovered. I realized, we had differences and alikeness too. From an impression of an ever gentle and caring man, you were able to show me your flaws and demons. At the same time, my frigid face was able to grin. I was able to be myself, showing out my side which breaks the impressions of me.

My world of silence shatters when you approached me. You explored my shadow and my hidden identity. You walked into the realm where no one else has been before. But despite of that, you filled my world with emotions. From a dark abyss your presence made me feel paradise. From a numb cold stone my heart turned into a soft mallow. Then, you held my hand tight, grasping it like you never wanted me to go. I sensed a beat from your chest when it touched mine. Was it your heart that I felt?

“Who are you?”, I asked myself. Is he the guy Cupid sent? Was he the guy that I’ve been waiting for after spending my nineteen years of existence? I asked God, “Have I waited enough for a perfect man?”

I told myself that I am strong enough. I’ll never put my guard down. My walls are high and firmly high. Little did I know, it’s starting to fade. But how can something so secure be so lenient? What power do you possess? Who could believe that the guy who lends me an umbrella was able to make me weak?

You made me feel things I never felt.

You made me done things I’ve never done.

I’m confused. Is this the so called “love” that I’m feeling? Or perhaps only the company of comfort that I seek. It became hard—losing you, forgetting you, and being away from you. Have I fell on same page? Am I ready for this kind of affection, or prepared for the pain it brings? What if this guy who gives me the sweetest smile, would be the one to give me the most heartbreaking tears? Should I take the risk? Please, my heart is consuming my head. Doubts are running on my mind.

This is not a fairytale, this is real life. We never danced, we never kissed, but our story can be like how Shakespeare wrote Romeo and Juliet’s love is. Unconditional. Pure. A long lasting love that even death can’t keep them apart. I wish.

Was that too much to ask? I told you things in my past and in my head, but never did I told you what’s really in my heart. How I wish farewells do not exist, so that I can keep you forever. But all these are hidden and will be kept hidden until the perfect, no not just perfect, but when the right time comes. And if you’ll ask me if this is love? Yes, it’s unsaid love.

No matter how long it would take, I’ll never be tired of waiting. I’ll be patient for us to build ourselves, to fulfill our own priorities, and to be person that we want to be. Call me a coward if you wish, I do not care. For I don’t want to pursue you because I’m lonely. I don’t want to pursue you because I want to experience affection. I don’t want to pursue you if I’m not yet sure of myself. I’d rather wait than to turn over myself with no intentions of taking responsibility and for something that seems temporary.

I’ll value your worth. I’ll conquer the struggles of love with you. I’ll keep our love lasts. I’ll cry out those three powerful words to you, and who knows, maybe infront of Him too. I may not be the perfect or ideal woman, but I swear, I’ll do my very best to make you the happiest man. And if that day won’t come, I’m still thankful that I met you, for you were not just a blessing, but a lesson that I will never forget. Thank you.

P.S. I love you, but not yet.

Sincerely,

Your Future Mine