Disclaimer: The views and opinions expressed in this article are those of the authors and do not necessarily reflect the official position of Boiling Waters PH.

This is a note for the unsaid words and the unsaid confessions of mine. I have nothing to talk with these things. I feel like I’m all alone. I’m longing for friends, heart to heart conversations, and being able to connect with souls of people.

Before anything else, let me give a description about me. I am sensitive, selfish, prideful, uncivil, and I lack everything everyone wants me to be. I recently got out from an abusive relationship. Hence, the result of countless self-harms even planning to cross the road and wishing to be hit by a moving vehicle. I got verbally abused, and that is fine after all I got convinced that it is all my fault so I should be sorry. It is true that sometimes I do hurt him. He might get stressed an mad about me without even thinking that I get hurt too. I endured those pain every fight but the day came when the feeling got worse and worse. I didn’t know myself. I got confused of my own identity. Do I deserve all these hate? Should I let him go and free myself from this abusive partner? I didn’t know what else to do. I still love him, I still miss him. There are times when you do or say something that might stressed him out, he is transformed into a whole new person. I’m scared and therefore traumatized when this persona of him turns from a soft-spoken, happy, and loving man into something that I couldn’t even describe. All I know is when he became this person, I can’t even speak nor move, and I cry. Hoping to end this feeling inside my heart that struck me like thunder. At night, I could not easily put myself to sleep. I kept thinking all the things he had said. How my soul was crushed, how my heart was broken. I do guess I deserve all of these after all I failed. After all, this is what I am.

Even if I still love you, even if you were my everything, my first love, my happiness, I conditioned myself to let go. Told myself this isn’t healthy for the both of us. I promised myself I am going to recover from everything and I do hope you’ll recover as well. Let ourselves change into a positive person and contradict the negative personalities we had. Lastly, let ourselves get ready to fall in love again. To everyone out there who had the same experience as mine, I pray we find peace, love, and comfort. Not from people but from Him. Who had loved us despite of our shortcomings.

While you are busy reading this article, try mo rin makinig sa episode namin:


Photo by: Delfi Carmona

Send me the best BW Tampal!

* indicates required