An open letter to my boyfriend before our first LDR

Dear BB,

I know we’ll not be able to celebrate our monthsary together this time but it’s okay. I wanna remember all the fun times we had together instead!

Thank you for putting a smile on my face no matter how heavy my day went.

I remember all the times when we would have fun doing ordinary things and how we would laugh in the car when we start competing for the most annoying face — we’d stick our tongues out as long as we could so we can reach our nostrils and stick each other’s eye just to feel our sclerae touch — the most uncomfortable feeling yet but we would end up laughing because we looked stupid for doing that and then do it again. Do you remember when J asked me what our endearment was and I said “wala, Fids lang” ‘cause I remember how you would feel awkward with me calling you bb; but then you came to me and you were like “Hindi, chubster yung tawag mo sakin” and you insisted it and it was random and cute; times when i first said I love you and you would reply with “you too” because you said you said you were never used to it but you promised you would come along, and you did. Thank you. 

I’ll definitely miss the car rides going everywhere; even to work, on a Monday! — how you would listen to all these motivational podcasts and put on an angry beast attitude and face HAHAHA and i expect every move you’ll be making for the next minutes but i would still end up gulat when you scream with the podcast because you are that type of person. I’ll miss all the Mcdo drive thrus and the spontaneous but actually expected dinner at Mama Lous even if it’s not a Friday. 

I’ll never get tired of eating cereals and bread with egg mayo or tuna spread because i know you spend time in making them, usually the night before; thanks for all the extra money in my gcash specifically for my 7/11 siopao cravings when we’re not together. Thank you for asking me if I still have scrubs/clothes to wear for the next week, because I usually take these for granted. I never had to wear my scrubs twice.

Thank you for all the morning cuddles; it’s always good to sleep next to you but even better waking up seeing your annoying face, that half open mouth of yours because of your rhinitis and blocked nose.

You are different. Thank you for bringing me closer to Jesus; i never expected I could get any more closer to Him. Im grateful for all the Sundays spent in New Life, for making my family esp my sister and my mom happy because we go there together and they’re proud of us. I know you’re making your mom happier too, when we send her photos of us attending the service.

Thank you for spoiling me when you would agree to eat out even if we are on a budget because we have bigger dreams; for always meeting me halfway; for making me understand things that I don’t want to understand; for making your patience a little longer when I’m being stubborn, you know my pabebe levels can sometimes go from 1 to 100 real quick. Sometimes I feel like you are the older one HAHAHA

Thanks for taking me to your golf appointments and other golf tingz — for involving me as much as you can but I know sometimes we have to be away so we can grow on our own. And when I heard that advice “you have to make it easy for Fids to leave so he can do his own thing”; I know I just heard it but I didn’t want to listen to it at first but I also know it’s the best truth out there. I know you would do the same if we switched places because you have been the most supportive boyfriend ever since and I can’t be any less than that. You deserve the best girl too. 

I know I’ve been crying a lot and I might have been missing on our best times together recently so here’s me promising you this is the last time you’ll see me crying while reading this letter to you. Mind over matter I guess. But aside from repeating that “mind over matter” to myself until it becomes my only point of view for this circumstance; I should rest in the idea that you are eventually coming back — one month is not that long — I should forget that this is our first ever time to be LDR, forget about my anxieties and past traumas because that’s how bad I want this to work.

Thank you for hugging me when I feel detached; you really are different because you know how I truly feel – maybe some same birthday shit there too. People have given up on me when I show them detachment but you would drag me closer and make me understand and validate all the feelings that I have — Just what I need everytime.

You are different I said a while ago but we are so much alike too, it’s weird but magical. You’re like the male version of myself — weird, annoying, immature but can be mature if we need to LOL

You deserve the good things baby. I wanna see you get the best things in life — even if it means I’ll be looking from afar (for now, at least).

I love you and I’ll definitely miss you but I promise I’ll be more accepting of our circumstance. 

I’ll be here until you come back.