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An open letter to you, official Girlfriend.
“I’m not saying that my pain is worse than yours, or your pain will be less than mine. Our pains will differ.”
It’s not that I do not know my worth. I am fully aware of my worth, I am only choosing to set it aside. Because I am blinded by something far heavier and stronger than that — my love for him.
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You must think that women like me don’t really know how to love, and what we feel is fake or it’s just lust. I sincerely hope your thought was right, and that it was just that.
So I won’t have to cry every weekend, because i’m drowning from anxiety. So i won’t have to pretend I am not jealous of that silver ring on his finger. So I don’t have to force a smile and an “Its okay” when he says he has to go, because you were calling. So I won’t have to feel the frustration of not being able to hold his hand while we walk.
I sincerely hope it was just lust. That way, it would be easy for me to walk away and turn my back for good. You can just imagine how hard I tried doing that, a million times. And how a million times I have been drawn back like a string pulled and stretched, farther that it could take. And you can probably imagine how painful that is.
I know it will hurt you, once that you find out you’re being cheated on. And i wouldn’t say i was hurt more. You will start hurting the moment you find out, while i have been hurting, all this time. I’m not saying that my pain is worse than yours, or your pain will be less than mine. Our pains will differ. And i know i am the only one to blame.
I will not deny that this is my fault. It is my fault that i was in the same place as yours before. And it is my fault now, that I am choosing to be on the different side of the story, by being the other woman. That’s because I grew tired of being cheated on. Please dont blame me for that one. You can blame me for everything else, but please just don’t blame me for switching sides. I was once an honest and a loyal woman, like you, too. In fact, I am still loyal, just not too honest anymore.
I still have a lot I’d like to say. But I know they won’t matter. Because in the end, I’m still the skeleton inside the closet that he should keep. And I should stay hidden.