Disclaimer: The views and opinions expressed in this article are those of the authors and do not necessarily reflect the official position of Boiling Waters PH.
One of our deepest longings is to find someone who’ll love us unconditionally. All of us at some point or season wants to have a love life. However, when we find someone who we want to spend our life with, issues arises that cause us to give up on each other. Maybe because we’re not ready enough to face challenges and responsibilities of having a love life because we failed to pursue life itself.
What does it mean to pursue life?
Life has seasons to live with and before you look for a love life, first, you need to go through a season of building. Ideally, we build while we are still single.
What exactly do we need to build before pursuing a love life?
- One of the major break-up dilemmas is pertaining to character. It’s an attitude of someone that we tend to overlook on our first few dates because “kilig” is more important at the moment.
How do we build our character?
- This is a question of belief. Mental qualities and Moral values for both individual should be considered as non-negotiable before entering into a relationship. It is important to understand each other’s differences but it will be best to have a common core belief that you both rely on in making tough decisions in life.
- Church community (in general) helps us grow our character and prepares us for life. I’m not closing doors for other institutions that can help us in building character. But as for me, church community helped me in preparing for Leadership, Integrity, Faith, and Excellence. These qualities, in my experience, are major contributors for our character. Now, I am a living proof of how effective they are.
Having a good character is not an overnight success. It is a consistent practice of trust on what you believe in to strive in every aspects of life. It answers the very root of why we do what we do.
A person’s character will give you a glimpse of how he or she will be in marriage.
A practical advice for men.
- Building your finances make sense before entering a relationship. You must have a source of income before you ask a girl for a date. If you’re serious with the girl and your goal for dating is marriage, you should practice being a provider as early as now. Being responsible is a pogi point for them than asking your parents for date allowances. Plus, money will be a problem before the wedding if you fail to plan for it.
- In Dating.
Chocolates, flowers, bears, etc are not free. Dinner dates, lunch, plus friends nila pag kelangan magpalakas will hurt your wallet if you’re not prepared. Kidding aside treating their friends are optional.
There’s no standard amount to spend for but you should have atleast a certain amount in mind for this. In short, you must save for it. I suggest that you research how much it may cost.
- Preparation for wedding.
There are kasalang bayan that somehow free and I’m not againts it. However, if you really love the girl, you will save and plan for a glorious wedding to give her an unforgettable public declaration of your love for her. It doesn’t have to be a luxurious wedding. Same as with pamamanhikan, you may research how much a wedding may cost.
A practical advice for women.
- Building your finances also makes sense before entering a relationship. You also need to have a source of income for yourself. Of course, you need a certain amount to buy everything you want in watsons to prepare yourself in case a suitor will show up but this is not necessarily for them. It’s somehow what you called selfcare.
- Now, it is okay to let the guy pay on a date. It is also okay to split the bill. But women, please challenge us in this area so you would know if a man you’re dating with has a leadership in terms of finances.
- Pamamanhikan and Preparation for wedding.
For me, women may not contribute financially on these things but it is not forbidden also to help men on these expenses. Again, character is important on these decisions that’s why I mentioned it first.
Practical advice for both men and women.
- Building your finances may have different purposes but in terms of finances, men should practice being a provider as early as dating the girl and women may support them but I do not recommend that you take control because you will take a man’s opportunity to lead as a provider and somehow teach him to be dependent on you. Men are called to lead.
Building these two things will surely prepare you before entering a relationship. The good news is there are people who can help you in these season of building while you’re still single. As for me, our church community helped me on both area. I’m not saying that I already have a good character so I can enter a relationship anytime neither I have plenty of savings to finance my wedding. I shared this because I experienced entering into a relationship and failed because these things were missing. Be patient and trust the process. You’ll know when you get there. But while you’re in a season of building be faithful on what God has told you to do. And if you think you’re already in a season to enter a relationship, be patient and pray to God that your partner is ready as well. Ultimately, let God writes your love story.