I don’t visit his grave anymore


I don’t visit his grave anymore

I don’t want to talk about his smile or laugh

I don’t even answer all those emails sent by him just to ask for my forgiveness

I don’t even manage to share my breathe just for him to continue living

I don’t even look at him with devotion like i did before he killed me 15 times in the back

I don’t even want  to touch him when he is lonely or sad

I don’t even want to ask people around just to make sure he is doing fine

I don’t want to hear any story about him or to know when he is around

i don’t visit his grave anymore like i used to 3 years ago 

i don’t want to return from being a pathetic loser who loves to cling with someone who does not know how to love

i don’t want to suffer and blame myself for the continuous torment and unending pain in my heart

i don’t want to cry just for me to fall asleep at night

i don’t want to overthink those damn thoughts who keeps on spinning all over my head 

i don’t want a monster like him, a saddistic, manipulative and  narcissistic devil who loves to leech with his prey

i don’t want to recall those happy memories or should i say do we really have one

i don’t want other girls arguing with me about him or be involved with his games Nor be a hot topic by his friends

i don’t want to be that lousy chick who loves to hang around with someone like him

i don’t want to forget the pain just to make sure i wont come back begging for his arms to wrap around my back

i don’t  want him back and thats absolute

i don’t want the horrendous cycle, the circles, deceit and lies

i don’t want those fake love

I don’t want those three years…

Lastly, i don’t visit his grave anymore

because for me he is long gone💀