I lost my self to the man, my almost.

“I knew that you weren’t the one for me but I insist and make my self believed that maybe somewhere  along the way there’s a chance for you and me,  but I guess I was wrong again.”

I have a confession to make but first of all I would like to apologise to the girl I ended up hurting. I know the you deserved better  but I rule you’re little world and ruin your belief in love. I hope you don’t give up on opening up your door to someone in the future  because I tell you not everyone is like him not everyone will make your heart beat,  beats like a fairytale and leave you broken hearted. I’m sorry SELF for hurting you next time you fall in love me “heart” won’t interfere anymore.

To my almost, thank you for bringing joy into my life you make me believe that I’m beautiful, that I can change my self to a better version of my self without judgment you listen to my drama, to my frustration to my daily routine.

We shared good and bad memories together even though we were strangers  that are thousands miles away from each other.

There are days were you had your frustrations, your fear, you’re tired and you ask me to give you a call and I did, we conquer those together.

Remember those days? because I do. There are things I couldn’t  tell to anyone  but I did to you. I open my little world and shared it to yours.

Someone in your life walk away because of dome reason I never dare to ask. Instead, I tried to fill in that gap that you lost. Days passed by, weeks, months passed by and my heart is  slowly falling and you confuse my heart million times but I kept my mouth shut.

I have never in my life  depend my happiness to anyone, I’m used to being alone during bad and good times but you come along and I open up  to quickly and ended up falling even more.

You were there beside me when the world hit me and you were there to give me comfort you watch me sleep when I’m scared, you cried with me, you wait for me to wake up when my body fails to.

Now  that I’m slowly falling you said we were friends that’s what we do  right? Something in my heart felt like dying,  nights passed by that I’m asking my self

Am I now worth it?  Am I not worth fighting for?

I told my self, to walk away  so I did! But why did you stop me? You said you can’t live without me that you’re scared to lose me then I hold on a bit more and more

While asking my self what do I need to do, I didn’t realised that you and her got back together but you hide it from me because you said you can’t  say it because I’m on mu downfall.

My heart breaks little by little even more, day by day, night by night tears kept falling  I wanted to hate you but I just can’t that breaks my heart even more.

I stayed, but slowly I realised you were never there for me because you want it you were here because I was there when you need me.

Day by day i felt like i was just an option, someone you would run to when she’s not around am I really easy girl for you? What did i do wrong for you to treat me like this, I just don’t know what went wrong! You knew what breaks my heart but you ended up doing it to me in the end.

Then the only thing you can say is is it wrong to stay when you need me?

Yes it is, because you gave me things to believe that you like me the way I do. You could have  walk away when I ask you to but instead you hold on to me and  now I’m the only one hurting and trying to move on

I don’t hate you, I will always  see you as a person who push me to be a better version of my self.

I would always remember your last word, I deserved better Much better than you because now I realised that you were right, much better than you is what I deserved.

I don’t regret having you in my life, though if I could have  turn the world around  I would rather walk passed you because I know without you I can still be better version of my self.

I still wish you the best, stay happy and when he time comes that our path cross Let’s pretend we don’t know each other you were someone I love but not love to see again.

To the  girl who feels unloved walk away you deserved a better person  someone who will open up your heart and can stay forever not just during his boredom’s hours.

Boss I’m sorry If I gave my heart to you when you don’t deserved even a “beat” of it.