I don’t know how and when did everything started.

I didn’t expect this to happen to begin with. I don’t even know why it happened in the first place. Everything is just, you know, smooth-sailing. We’re good friends, we just chat each other in a very usual manner, hang out once in a while. I don’t know, everything just started falling into things that shouldn’t be the way.

I suddenly found myself falling in love with you.

I love it when I see your smile, the sweetest smile you show, the sweetest smile that truly reaches the eyes, your eyes that speaks a thousand words in just a single minute.  The moment when I hear you laugh, that moment when I feel your troubles, that moment you speak out your brightest ideas, that moment you share your dreams and hopes and visions and woes. Those, those are priceless.  I can hear your stories for a day long. I’d love to really spend every single minute with you, to just do crazy stuff with you, from doing grocery to just simply dance in the rain.

I love it when I hear you sing. Those base notes that reach the heavens when you sing worship songs to the Lord. I love it when I hear your voice praying to Jesus before we have our dinners in cafes and restaurants. I love it when you describe your faith, how your voice trembled when you told me that you don’t understand your emotions anymore, yet you remained strong and steadfast in your prayers. I love to hear everytime the Lord speaks through you, when you preach at the front, whenever given t he chance.

I suddenly found me saying to myself, “He’s the kind of man I’d love for the rest of my life.”

But something stopped me at my tracks. I had that stupid feeling that I don’t deserve you. Because I had my personal issue of not being deserved to be truly loved. You should belong with someone who will never break your heart. You should belong with someone who will bring you closer to God. You should be loved with someone who is really whole and complete because she has God in her life.

I am still in the healing process, and you deserve someone whose heart is not scarred, not doubtful. Someone whose heart was not broken many times before.

I love you.  But I need to let you go, for now. Because I don’t want to hold you up for me, who is not yet fixed, who is not yet truly healed. And I love to see you achieving your dreams.

I love you. But I need you to go on with your life. I need you to go on chasing your goals. I need you to go on doing your ministry.

I love you. But I won’t keep you on waiting for me. I want you to know that there’s someone out there, that woman who will truly deserve a godly man like you.

I love you. And I hope, if it is His will, we will meet again. And His design and plans will be complete for both of us.